I carve YOUR name in my heart; PERMANENT.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Sigh.
Sometimes, I just ever wondered,
How come my dad is not like other people's dad?
I just wished that God have made me belong from a more matured and educated dad.
It's not that I'm looking down on him or whatsoever.
But, i realised, those dad who are more well-educated, know how to apprehand their teenagers better. They tend to understand more.
And this is so obvious in my mother's side.
I can see that majority of my cousins are well-knitted with their own parents.
Frankly speaking, it's not that i hate my dad.
But, I HATE the way he brought me up. He's a total jerk in that.
As a ketua keluarga secara Islam, I thinked he failed.
I will cry if i this thought come tickling in the end of my brain.
I despise the way he tries to correct his children.
If it isn't physically disturbed, then it would be mentally or emotionally.
My closest freind knew this. She even saw me getting bashed up in my room when my friends were just in the living room.
And I can still vividly recollect the moment that I was forced to drink the zam-zam water just to prove to him that I'm not lying.
It's ridiculous and heart-throbbing to see my own dad believes his own friend rather than his own blood.
& of course, I just drank everything up anyway. I'm not scared cause I'm not lying.
And he even cursed me to die with my stomach burst after I drank everything up.
See, which dad will curse their children till that extreme? Masyallah...nauzubillah.
Sigh. I'm really sick of this already.
Leaving in darkness and in a world full of lies.
Now I really don't care what people think about me.
Friends come and go.
Boyfriend can make me go suicidal in certain period.
Parents can make me go insane in any spur of a moment.
All I rely on is Allah.
Dear Allah, you're the only way I can regain myself.
I swear to myself, I will never repeat his mistake and I will try my best to be a good parent to my child in future.
Insyallah.

Btw, I'm sorry if this entry is a lil too personal.
But, I can't help it.
I have to let everything out.
Sigh.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
11:20 PM

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Helo everyone.
I've decided to lose more weight.
Perharps, another 10 to 15kg more.
So, I'm back to the old diet.
I know I can do it.
It's all about mind over body people.
I will lose until my size drops to this:

:) Wish me luck okey. Amin.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
1:12 AM

Friday, February 08, 2008

Pit's at east coast with sweetheart family was fun.
But still, my backbone hurts from laying flat on the groud sheet for three hours, just to find out how lucky i am to choose that spot which appears to be some rock!
Foods are more than enough. Till it lasted the next day.
I envy how closely smittened the bond shared between his family and relatives.
It's so unlike mine which meets only like once a year?
They talk anything under the sun and talks to someone older than them like a friend.
Unlike mine, which I find quite restrictable to talk about everything or anything.
I've saw all his relatives and really feel part of his already.
They made me so welcome and even foresee me as mama ita's child.
Ok I call both his parents mama and papa.
But, he have no inkling idea that the person beside him in the train might be my cousin or relative.
You see, everything is so totally opposite.
Em, for now, as long as my parents accepted him with open arms, it's already syukur alhamdullilah.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
11:53 PM