I carve YOUR name in my heart; PERMANENT.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

i will just combine two entries into one. here goes:

Last night was the worse night ever. we fought and he actually made me cried. i was totally pissed and hurt with him. just because a tiny thing, he made sucha big fuss out of it and scolded me. when i say let's just settle this stuff when we meet tomorrow. he will shout at me and say i want to settle it by tonight. so, i just kept quiet throughout. the pain was toturing and hurting me real bad. once in a while, part of my heart wants a break up real bad but the other half says i still love him. when i try to clear his doubts, he will just keep quiet and make me feel like i am talking to the wall. once, he told me, he's a different type of guy. but, yesterday he just mention, " i think you're right. all guys the same. my attitude is turning bad and my true colours is starting to show up". oh dear God, give me the strength to overcome this...

Today goes fine. but, sweetheart was an hour late. reason given was he was caught in the rain. was quite angry actually, but i just force a fake smile when i saw him at city hall in the morning. the kiss given on the forehead cool me down quite fast. hee. oh and yarh, thanks mama pian! haha. she bought for me this formal top from U2. so good! i don't have to waste my money to buy formal wear for presentation. was about to ask him about yesterday.. why he change drastically and why he treat me like that last night but, he already ask me to forget it. reason given was he was to shag and worn out during the 4- month course. okay, i understand. so, catch a movie- nacho libre. a funny movie which tickles my buttocks. haha. but ada baby nangis inside the cinema. haha. very the irritating man. then, we had lunch at cavana. ate chicken rice with barbeque chicken. i quite don't like the food down there lar. haha nvm, thanks sweetheart for the treat anyway. later, we went to hang around outside the esplanade. oh ahhhh. it was nice. we beat each other up. i bite him and hit me back. i hit him and he bite me back. lols. then, went to yishun to send him to his camp. beforehand, hang out at burger king near there. he eat again. mcm pig heh. haha. spend near 1 hour there seh. we talk and takl an talk. then, took the cab and off to nee soon camp. then, balik rumah. home sweet home. haah. oh but then, sweetheart will not book out this saturday -_-"
haish. so, i have to wait for another 2 weeks to see his face again. army is tough. u can only meet your bf once a week. haiz. nvm. haha and yeah, he's meeting my parents to ask how much is my duit hantaran -_-" lols. he's nuts! he wants to get married after four years and have three pretty kids. haha. that will be after he gets his license and a car.
i really learnt something from him. in a relationship, you have to go through the ups and downs together. u can't only expect for the ups. surely, the downs wil also have it's fair share. so, ya Allah, please last my reationship with alfian till death do us apart. Amin. insyallah...
eh okay, tmrw ada test and havent study finish seh. haha. got to study! haahs. buhbye lovely people!

much love,
umairah.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
9:45 PM

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Helo lovely people.
i am feeling sleepy right now. haha
slept at 3am, woke up at 10.
BUT, i am still sleepy. HAHA.
ey, i hate me new hairstyle siak. mak ais!
i say " aunty i want to cut ike this like that"
aunty tuh step macam paham seh! heesh.
" ouh i know i know, like that onee right "
i just say yesh. lols. skali, hah! kebabai!
alarh, cut already. NO point complaining.
even if i complain and curse, my hair won't
grow any longer. hmph. -_-

okay great. he just called just now.
not meeting today. heesh.
empty promises seh.
dah janji then buih! ass seh.
the feeling is shit.
the reason given:
don't feel like going out today because i have no money.
i damnful don't want your money!
ass seh. and he talks like,
not guilty! i think he's even smiling when talking
to me just now. ass seh. fuck fuck fuck.
maybe he's going out with his friends. ass seh.
wil be meeting tomorrow instead.
i freaking don't have the mood
to meet him larh though i miss him so much.
maybe this is what people say,
bf wont last long but true freinds will be there for you eternity.
i freaking dont have any mood already.
goodbye.

much love,
umairah

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
11:18 AM

Friday, July 28, 2006

Best sekali hari ini.
no tutorials+ no lectures= NO SCHOOL!
woke up at 10.30am today. haha.
its's been so long since i last wake up at that late.
everyday, i must wake up at 5.30am to go to campus. fuck.
so, i am feeling a lil bit better after that day.
sweetheart called and apologises.
he just wants that day to be forgotten.
so i did.
i stil love him like the way i love him last time. haa.
meeting sweetheart tommorow
catch a movie, shopping and more shopping! yey yey best.
miss him so much larh. mwahmwahmwahs. haha.

so, meeting darling farah after this.
get a new hair cut and going to jyss to collect our o lvl cert.
haha. since i got the time now, better ambik skarang. (:
yey, i sooooo miss my darling farah.
later can hug hug her and we can spend the noon together lepak!
ey best seh. woohoos. okay saya dah gila. haha.
okay buhbuy.

much love,
umairah.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
11:27 AM

Thursday, July 27, 2006

tagg-oo

I have been tagged by Isnarti (:

_3 schools i went to:
. Xingnan Pri Sch
. Juying Sec Sch
. Nanyang Polytechnic ( Sch of Chemical and Life Sciences)

_3 things in my bag:
. handphone
. Communication Skill notes
. wallet

_3 things i do when i am stressed:
.cry
.sleep
.talk to my darling farah

_3 places i go on daily basis:
. campus
. toilet
. my room

_3 favourite fruits:
. durians
. mangoes
. kiwi

_3 names i go by:
.mai
.mairah
.umai

_3 of my favourite food:
. chicken rice
. chicken nuggets
. long john silver combo 1 meal. lols.

_3 things i'm wearing now:
. spectacles
. bra
. undies

_who is in the house with me:
. everyone

_who am i thinking right now:
. my sweetheart, alfian

_who do i sit with during my 5th period class:
. oh it doesnt matter whoever you want to sit with in the lecture theatre.
But, usually, salma will be sitting beside me. (=

_who do i last uttered love to:
. my sweetheart, alfian

_who do i wish i am right now:
. erms, miss universe with the brain? lols =X

_where is my phone:
. on top of the computer table

_where do i sleep:
. on your backside -_-"

_where is the last place i took a ride to:
. nyp, my campus

_what the last thing i ate:
. fruit jelly

_what colour shirt am i wearing right now:
. puh-ple

_what is the clocest thing to me right now which is blue:
. ita's pillow

_what do i like most about school:
. some of my classmates lar

_ what do you wear most often, jeans or shorts:
. jeans

_what's the alst movie i watched:
. pirates of the carribean with sweetheart (:

_when do i last go to the mall:
. last saturday

_when do i last burn something:
. heh. ntah

_ 3 bloggers to do this:
. darl farah, diyanah, dina. TRIPLE D'S! weeeee~

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
12:39 AM

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Uh Arh EEE. i am feeling lousy and irritated right now.
Feeling irritated with that bitch.
Fought with sweetheart again. makes me feel lousy.
That bitch is geeting fcukingly irritating as time pass.
I have no idea till when i am going to stuck with her! -_-"
Now, i am pretending to like her. haha.
She's the girl who hold my butt and kiss me all over. ee-uu.
Disgusting? i find it too.
I don't know whats wrong with her. BUT i think, the main point here is,
SHE'S IRRITATING PEST!

Eh eh and yey! Che tak jadi change course! weee~ Overjoyed larh saya!

Another random fight with sweetheart today.
he talks mcm orang mabuk.
when i ask if he's sick, he say no.
BUT, he talks like orang mabuk.
then, start to scold me,
"Mana boleh bawa arak masok camp? I sakit u tak tahu kerhs?"
But, you just said you're fine?!
I don't understand larh him.
He told me last week that he won't book out camp this week.
But, he just said just now that he will be booking out this week. heesh.
Anyway, i still love him.
Saya sayang alfian many many. mwahmwahss. lols.

okay dah buybye.

much love,
umairah.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
11:40 PM

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

OUCH. i am having this very bad migraine now.
i really don't have the mood to study right now. WTF.
Communication skills test tommorow. fcuk and more fcuk.
but, i've already completed 3 topics, 2 more to go.
BUT, this migraine is hurting real BAD. fcuk.
LIFE is nothing better with tests, reports, projects, labs and presentation.

Oh well. he didn't call yesterday.
He's too busy with his army thingy. -_-"
just a day he didn't call and i am missing him like crazy.heh.
not expecting him to call again today.
But, he called. haahs.
He took the risk to call me after 11,
which is suppose to be " lights out" time.
if being caught, then the whole bunk gonna fall in for turn out.
wow. i am already good in all these army terms. haha.
okay dah larh. buhbuys.

sincerely,
umairah

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
10:55 PM

Sunday, July 23, 2006

haiz. is this what they call growing up? if this the case, i dont wish to grow up. life's is just too fcuking stress for me. it's like, riding a 57605606703m roller coaster which goes round and round and round.

projects here and there, everywhere! tests! assignments! work! relationship! money! *sigh*

my brain has spilt into two i think. i keep hearing sounds which didn't even exist. calling me, speaking to me. then, i will just grab my head and close my eyes. damn stress right now. i feel that i am useless. i am not a good student, not a good friend, not a good girlfriend and not a good child. i just hate life to the core right now.

thanks to me, everyone in my group has to suffer. the project is already 2 days overdue and i am still struggling to send mr kannapan the thinking skills project. this is due to the size of the file and i am so stupid. i don't even know how to resize it. and now, my friend is helping me. see, i am just a nuisance larh.

i am totally screwed up. tomorrow's chemical engineering principles test and yet, i haven't study the whole tutorial. haiz. but how?! i still got my lab report and material scince project to be handed up on tuesday! and yet, neither any of them is complete. haish. big fuck with an ass in the middle larh!

yesterday was more fuck. he called and say " i am already at tamp". i heard it as camp and ask him to repeat. he say " dalah da lah takper. bye". so i just put down the phone. when he met me, the word "sorry" didn't even come out from his mouth. i was totally pissed off with him yesterday. haisz. he walks in front and i was walking behind. when i say, " is your blister okay?" he just raised up his hand. telling my problems to him doesn't make me feel any better. he didn't give advices or cheer me up to make me feel better. i don't find the need to have a bf if he makes me feel no way better. if this goes on, i just have to let go.

his parents, him and me went to his makcik place because of some birthday kenduri. it was okay larh but i don't know the whole lot of them. thus, it is quites boring. you just sit down there and wait for time to pass by. but, looking at those babies makes me feel happy. sweetheart meet up with my parents yesterday. luckily, it was fine, though we fought before hand. we got this skill, which is to act as if nothing happen in front of your parents but actually, you're both pissed off with each other. my parents like him already and his parents like me already. but i don't know if we can go far as we want to larh. because, i am already feeling insecure and i am only 0.99% sure that we can make it far till marriage. hesh.

i don't feel like typing anymore. goodbye.

much love,
umairah

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
9:56 AM

Friday, July 21, 2006

hish. i am totally screwed. poly sucks, sucker and more suckerer!
I got 3 more projects untouched. fuck seh. mati sia.
- 800 pages report on material science
- fucking lab report
- thinking skills powerpoint slides

Oh and yarh, i have chemical engineering principles test next monday, communication skills test next wednesday. and, i will be having inorganics and physical chemistry the following week, monday. followed by material science common test on 10th Aug, straight after a holiday. shit and more shit larh. and then, it's going to be the common test followed by a month school holiday which i don't consider holiday. and later it will be the fasting month. wahlau. then it's going to be year 2007! -_-"

So, slept at 4 am yesterday, struggling to complete the thinking skills powerpoint slide, frankly, i havent finish it and me myself is so finished! haishh. it should be hand in by today, before 9pm sharp. but, i havent send that fcuking project yet seh. mampos larhh gini.
my lab report is more big fuck. actually, gpt 2 lab report to be done as a group. repeat myself, as a group tau. but, that fcuking partner of mine, ask me to do lab report 1 which far more harder than lab report 2. she told me that the lab report 2 is half way done. but, someone told me she's lying. and i trust that someone. it must be fcuking ridiculous for her to finish the lab report when she havent even starton the project which has an earlier due. she's just saying it for the sake of herself. so that she will just have an easier task. what a shame. tsk tsk. selfish fool.

finished the semestral project. phew. the major presentation has come to an end. i was quite nervous presenting my slides but i tried to keep calm and speak fluently and yet look confident. that bitch laughed when i presented. she covers her mouth and i was distracted by it. okay, thank you bitch. she's just another foolish moron which goes gaga over geeks. wtf.
then, meet my darling farah and went bugis. suppose to have a hockey match today against a girl's club but, i can't make it larh. heeh. bought this black top while darl farah bought this brown one. nice larh. get a $2 discount after bodek. so, $23 for a top. it's okay larh. worth it larh.

okay, meeting sweetheart tmrw. i missed him terribly. haishh.

sincerely,
umairah

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
10:52 PM

tag-o.

Hohoho. i've been tagged by diyanah, my chum. haahs.

_10 FAVOURITES

FAVOURITE COLOUR: black

FAVORITE FOOD: chicken rice. yumm.

FAVOURITE SONG: pretty girl (the way) by sugarcult

FAVOURITE MOVIE: final destination part 3. wooohoo. GORE GORE GORE!

FAVOURITE SPORT: hockey, my new crush. (:

FAVOURITE DAY OF THE WEEK: saturday. the day i can hug sweetheart. *smooch*

FAVOURITE ICE CREAM FLAVOUR: Chocolate chip with cookies *drools*

FAVOURTIE CAR MODEL: erks... no idea.

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL: should be mathematics with calculus.

FAVOURITE SNACK: yan yan. i loikke!

_9 CURRENTS

CURRENT MOOD: angry. she sucks. totally lar.

CURRENT TASTE: tasteless.

CURRENT CLOTHES: pyjamas with lotsa teddies prints.

CURRENT DESKTOP: The Used

CURRENT TOENAIL COLOUR: Natural. (=

CURRENT TIME: 2.31 am. *yawn*

CURRENT SURROUNDING: everyone's sleeping. shhhh...

CURRENT ANNOYANCE: arh! she! fcuker.

CURRENT THOUGHTS: how long can i still survive in poly. -_-"

_8 FIRST

FIRST BEST FRIEND: nor hidayu bte husin. (:

FIRST CRUSH: syamil. lols. long long long ago. primary 1 okays! tsktsk.

FIRST MOVIE: erks.. long long time. forgotten.

FIRST PIERCING: uweekk. when i'm still a baby.

FIRST LIE: I lie a lot. and now i am lieing. (:

FIRST MUSIC: Alphabets song. a b c ... x y z. mum taught me that when i'm still a kid.

FIRST CAR: i am too young to owes a car right now. hishh.

FIRST REAL DATE VENUE: ouh. it's.. causeway point! shitty.

_7 LAST

LAST DRINK: bird nest drink.

LAST CAR RIDE: last sunday. took a cab home with sweetheart from cine.

LAST "MOVIE CRUSH": orlando bloom.

LAST PHONE CALL: che, my friend.

LAST SONG PLAYED: goo goo dolls- iris

LAST FOOD I ATE: hello panda biscuits. sedapp (:

LAST THING I DO BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP: do this fcking project of mine.

_6 HAVE YOU EVER

HAVE YOU EVER DATED ONE OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS? Nopes. should i give it a try? lols. nah. *wiggle my butt*

HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN THE LAW? yarhs. who doesn't?

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ARRESTED? haha no.

HAVE YOU EVER SKINNY DIPPED? huh? wth is skinny dipped?

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? no. would like to (:

HAVE YOU EVER KISSED SOMEONE YOU DIDN'T KNOW? yarps =X

_5 THINGS

THINGS YOU ARE WEARING: specs, pyjamas, hairband, bra , undies.

_4 THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY

went to school. hogging on the phone with sweetheart. called my darling farah. window shop with salmah.

_3 THINGS YOU CAN HEAR RIGHT NOW

the fan, adik snoring, song from computer.

_2 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT

my loved ones & water.

_1 THING YOU DO WHEN YOU"RE BORED

main msn. mendak la.

_5 PEOPLE TO DO THIS

hidayu. erika. darl farah. zul. fatin.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
2:20 AM

Monday, July 17, 2006

I compiled everything in one entry. Here's a short one:

Saturday:

Went to meet sweetheart at his place. waited for around 1 hour for him to reach home from camp. his parents keep me accompanied. around 3, he reached home. took lunch with him, then played this stupid soccer game in ps2. lols. it's so stupid. i don't even know how to handle the ball. each score= 1 kiss. lols. lose 5-0. so, that will be 5 kisses. *grins* later, he bathed, get changed, and we headed to town. he was finding new running shoes for himself. i know his been eyeing on chiba, but, his feet is just too small for it. lols. so, he bought this nike free shoes which cost around $156. when the clock read off 9pm, he sent be back home. before that, we took dinner at banquet. had chicken rice. both of us just love the chicken rice there. oh and he bought me this nice op wallet which cost around $40 since he says my wallet is in the worst condition a wallet could be. haahs. thanks honey.

Sunday:

Catch a movie with sweetheart before he book in camp. Pirates of the Carribean. it's an awesome movie with some hillarious part. it's worth the $9.50 per ticket. then, sweetheart sent me home by cab and he later went back to camp. that texi ahpek is super irritating. i told St 91 and he heard it as St 81. and later, he scolded me.. " you don't even know your house". wtf. whatever larh ahpek. haish. i missed this year baybeats. suppose to go on saturday, but was too tired and sweetheart doesn't like the idea. missed last year one, and again, missed this year. pissed off larh. oh okay whatever.
i am missing sweetheart already. dah buy.

sincerely,
umairah.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
11:48 PM

Friday, July 14, 2006

Oh dear. i am totally worn out there few days. having enough sleep is a far cry for me. so, just some updates of what happen on yesterday and today:

Thursday: Tutorial suppose to start at 8am sharp. being too sleepy and tired due to the not enough sleep syndrome that i am suffering, i skipped my first 3 hours lecture. it's not an important module and it doesn' t got to to with the field that i am studying. the module, communication skills is just to put on the not enough stress on us. urgh. *shrugs*

After that, we had a 3 hours long break. Aby, Salma and me decided to go to junction 8, Long John Silver for lunch and went window shopping. the place is not as bad as i had expected. quite a random number of clothes shop. while walking and laughing, we were approached by this OCBC lady. she invites us to join in this golf game. if you get the ball inside the hole, you will earn yourself gifts. hee. abyand salma didn't get the ball in but i did. haa. inherit the talent from the hockey practices i have been attending. haha. i get this big back which is foldable and comes in very handy for vacation, a weird looking box which is actually 3 diff. kind of plugs with it's cover and this nice cup which able to retain heat for 10 hours. haha. next, we went to miny toons to buy gummies. i just love gummies. we just langgar the no testing sign and went on testing almost all the gummies. hahaha. it cost us $3 in total.

Later, went back to school to attend maths calculus lecture and tutorial which last for 3 hours and ends school at 6pm. then, went to j.p to buy this weird looking weapon for sweetheart. he's been eyeing on that thing sicne i don't know when. it cost $21. so, i just use the $30 he gave me last sunday. haha. at night, suppose to go jogging, but it rains heavily. so, meet farah and ai'in, and we killed the time by lepak-ing. i just love them. (:

Today: Oh man. today is worst. i am totally worn out larh. school starts at 9am. had my material science lab session for 2 hours and later had an hour break. went to north canteen to get myself a decent dish. oh yarh, the taste of the food is worth walking all the way from my school (chemical and life sciences), all the way to the end of the campus which is school of business. then, had 2 long hours of chemical engineering principles tutorial. my eyes were damn heavy that i slept all the way during the 15 break that the lecturer gave us. so contented. haas. then, went to do my presentaion. and me, daniel and suren were the first group to present! SHIT. haas. but, we did quite a decent presentation. but, we still need to add on more slides as it does not meet the criteria of 15 mins! harrrhhhh!

Next, get myself quickly change and went to the hockey pitch. oh man, was quite pissed off to know that training was cancelled today. suppose to have a friendly match today seh. -_-" made me rush to change, ends up like this. so, me, shirin, minah, chloe and shu fang did our own curcuit training, which is 10 rounds around the hockey pitch ( ps. the nyp hockey pitch is damn big! ) and 100 crunches. i feel like my big and small intestine gonna drop! phew` then, did some passing with the hockey ball. and went straight home around 7.30. (:

Eys, tomorrow got baybeats arh. here's the detail:

14 July 2006 (Fri) 7.30pm till 2am
Outdoor Theatre (Chillout Stage)
Stage@Powerhouse (The Arena)
7.30pm - 8pmKenneth Ishak (Nor)
8pm - 8.30pmIngride(SG)
8.30pm - 9pm The Great Spy Experiment(SG)
9pm - 9.30pm West Grand Boulevard(SG)
9.30pm - 10pm Tiramisu(SG)
10pm - 10.30pmNothing to Declare(SG)
10.30pm - 11pmFerns (KL)
11pm - 11.45pm Love Me Butch (KL)
11.45pm - 2am Poptart

15 July 2006 (Sat) 3pm till 1.30am
Outdoor Theatre (Chillout Stage)
Stage@Powerhouse (The Arena)
Observation Deck(Singapore Art Café, Library@Esplanade)
6pm - 6.30pm The Pinholes(SG)
6.30pm - 7pm A Vacant Affair(SG)
3pmThe Velvet Teen
7pm - 7.30pm Bittersweet (KL)
7.30pm - 8pm The Leaven Trait(SG)
4pmKen Stringfellow(US)
8pm -8.30pm Hear Me Toby(SG)
8.30pm - 9pmOne Buck Short (KL)
5pmDerek Hess
9pm - 9.30pm Furniture (KL)
9.30pm - 10pm Plain Sunset(SG)
6pm“Music Of Sounds” by Arts Central's “Frequency Of The City”
10pm - 10.30pm Angelas Dish (Aus)
10.30pm - 11.15pm The Velvet Teen (US)

11.30pm - 1.30am Panda No Panda(Jap)

16 July 2006, Sunday - 3pm till 11.15pm
Outdoor Theatre (Chillout Stage)
Stage@Powerhouse (The Arena)
Observation Deck(Singapore Art Café, Library@Esplanade)
6pm - 6.30pmETC(SG)
6.30pm - 7pmCalerway (Aus)
3pmDerek Hess
7pm - 7.30pmPage(SG)
7.30pm - 8pm Concave Scream(SG)
4pmPoptart
8pm - 8.30pmKen Stringfellow(US)
8.30pm - 9pm Electrico(SG)
5pm Kenneth Ishak (Nor)
9pm - 9.30pmLunarin(SG)
9.30pm - 10pmBeezewax(Nor)
6pm “Music Of Sounds” by Arts Central's “Frequency Of The City”
10pm - 10.30pmAstreal(SG)
10.30pm - 11.15pmThe Posies(US)

maybe gonna singgah for a while with sweetheart. most importantly, meeting him tomorrow since he book out camp. yey-ness!

much love,
umairah.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
10:15 PM

Monday, July 10, 2006

uh. how i really hate today effing so much. i got diorrhea and it is hurting my backside fcukingly. it started at 11 pm yesterday and it went until today, around 5pm. i didn't count how many times i really went into the toilet, squeezing my stomach. i am in need of a mobile toilet. do anyone know where i can get that? i can't concentrate on what the hell the teacher is teaching with my painful stomach which feels like the whole intestine going to come out!

okay. so, went back home very late today. reached home at around 10.30pm. this sucks as i still got my lab report to complete. it's super sucks man when i got to wake up at 5.30am tomorrow as my first lecture starts at 8am tomorrow. i think, i gonna skip my first lecture and tutorial class tmorrow. which means, i gonna be 2 hours late before class. wtf.

another fight broke out. he was talking to me, and yet, shouting to his friends. like aper seh. and he talks with the sial and siol coming out here and there. and when i say... siol. he will be like against me. hish. so, i accidentally scolded him back with " kau" and " aku". he scolded me back and says, i can put the phone down now. can't he just me if i have any problems and why am i acting cold towards him today? no one bothers i guess. i don't know. i just have no mood today. mood swing i guess. 5 projects in a row with 3 coming tests. can someone please choked me to death so it won't sound suicidal? commiting suicide is a sin, and i don't want to be in hell. -_- talk cork.

okay, i took these on the way to school today with my chum, salma. randomly:

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
10:42 PM

Sunday, July 09, 2006

haahs. i just love weekends. how it really destress me when i get to spend time with sweetheart. provided, i didn't work on that day. (= So, i will quickly recap on this weekend:

Saturday: woke up late since slept late the day before, busily doing project. then, meet sweetheart at his place since he booked out from camp quite late. his parents were home. passed him mom the chocolate cake. haahs. did i just won his parents heart? haha. now, i am already quite comfortable with his parents. we did chit chatted together. his mom gave my mom this kerepeks and his father gave me a tottie bag. it's really nice of them (:

Then, we headed down to town. he bought me this top from 77th street and he bought this thight top for running, and a green g-shock watch which cost around $200 altogether -_- we laughed and laughed as we walked. haha. his a joker and i love jokers. haha. then, we get our stomach filled with fish and chips in swensens. again, his treat (: then, took a train to bugis and walked around. nothing seems interesting down there so, he sent me to j.e. its quite a long ride since we took the bus instead of mrt.

Then, went to meet farah at her beloved badut place. then, we went straight to ayn's place for rewang. did some dish washing and sarung sarung kerusi. haha.

Sunday: Woke up at 9.30 and get ready to ayn's place, kendarat. ouh and yarh, the bride is beautiful. haha. it's a simple wedding with roughly 200 guests. the souvineer is cake for adults and jelly for children. the pelamin is purple. oh and yarh, ayn sang! haha. it's rare okay to see ayn sing live! then, meet sweetheart and headed down to j.p. walked around there and we had our lunch at delifrance there. i just get an apple juice drink since my stomach is still full -_- then, we went to nee soon camp. sent him to his camp and he pass me this 50 bucks to take cab home. haha. it's way more than enough seh. -_- sayang you many many sweetheart.

and here's are some random pictures taken during the kenduri:

the purple pelamin.

me.farah.

my darlings.

out of boredom. hee.

green.black.

much love,
umairah

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
11:29 PM

Friday, July 07, 2006

kill me.

Dear virtual diary,

Where has all the hearing ears gone to? i need someone to comfort me. i just feel like breaking down. sometimes, i even thought of quitting school. but, i can't. or else, what would i become? a sweeper on the street? haish. now, i am losing my appetite to eat. making jokes for people to laugh is such a far cry. now, i would prefer to just shut my mouth than talk. losing my mood easily these few days and again, i am hearing sounds. digging my throat to vomit out the whole hydrochloric juice in my stomach has been my daily routine. i am already addicted to it. i am deprived of enough sleep. stress with lots of stuff. financially tight, emotionally depressed and mentally exhausted. i am struggling to catch up in the different modules. chemical engineering principles especially. just now, during tutorial, i understand nuts about what the hell the lecturer was teaching. while i look at others, enthusiastically answering her questions. shit. i am a piece of dead meat. get an F for both chemical engineering test. F=Fail. I am a failure. i am stupid. haiz. 3 projects in a row is a hatrix! neither any of them is complete. gosh. so many things to do yet, so little time. i just need someone to be beside me, and listen to my problem. it will at least make me feel better. i will just cry on my own, thinking of the problems i got to face. starting from next week, every monday gonna be a hassle for me. school gonna end at 9pm for care and share programme. i will try my best to catch up with the others.

meeting d tomorrow. i hope nothing will get into our plan. i just got this feeling that, he will end up, sleeping in his room while i make my way to his house. and when i knock on his door, his mum gonna open it and i gonna pass the cake. and she will say, d is sleeping and ask me to come in. then, i think i will just say, " its okay, don't have to wake him up" . then, i am going to go home all the way from tampiness to jurong back. haiz. i hope this is just a something i create. i miss him dearly. i don't know. it seems that he's dammmnnnn busy and got no time for me. i got to understand his career. haiz. i don't know. i am just in need for a listening ear right now.
okay bye.

sincerely,
umairah.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
4:42 PM

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Dear virtual diary,

I don't know how long more i can take this. i feel like my brain is going to burst any second, vomiting out it's red blood cells, platelets and haemoglobin. just received a new project word to complete. urgh. PROJECTS. i hate them totally. i already got 3 projects in a row to be completed. TESTS. again. the next 2 weeks to come. it come to show that students mentality on: in poly, you can slack. j.c is more stress than poly. poly is cool and j.c is nerd. this is totally wrong. wth. who cares if you can enter school, wearing anything you want with different shades of hair and cool nails. i don't give a damn shit about it. poly is full of shit. from what i feel right now, i think, secondary school rocks my pink panties.

okay. i am totally mad with one of my classmate. who the hell do she think she is. it happens when: she called me, shouting. saying," why you reject my call just now? " and i was totally clueless. wtf are you talking about, shit? i effingly don't received any phone calls during lecture just now. PLUS, wtf. i didn't shout at the top of my voice while i talked to you just now. you fcuking moron bitch. she just say " k ar bye byee!" cb sia. -_-

k larh, got to finish my semestral project. fcuk it.

I TOTALLY MISS ALFIAN. haiz.

sincerely,
umairah

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
8:49 PM

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Been sleeping late these few days. even counting sheeps doesnt seems to work. just a short entry for today:

chemical engineering results were given just now. as i had guessed, i failed both tests. damsel in distress. i must work extra hard. so, starting from next week, school will end late for me. 9 pm. going to meet the lecturer ( care and share programme) and catch up with the topics in that module which i had long neglected. i have to pass the next test . failing exams hurts me real bad. the feeling is like i have just made a failure in life. i even thought of quitting hockey and work to concentrate more on my studies. but, i can't. i guess, i need to sacrifice on my sleeping time a bit. tues, weds and thurs: ends school at 9pm to study. -_-

i am going to miss d fuckingly bad. he's going to have his 4 months course, starting ths wednesday. we can only meet up for a short while on saturday, subsequent weeks. means.. this week meet, next week dont, this week meet, next week dont. this will go on until he ends his course. so, this saturday, yey! can meet up. haha. next week nope :( the feeling is terrible. but, he's booking out only on saturday and book in back the next morning. hahas. but, i can't be seeing him everytime he books out from camp. i can't be selfish. haha. he still have his own family to spent time with. so yarh, i wont mind if he's going out with his family or maybe i can join in. hee. (: *grins*
Oh and yarh, yesterday's fight is still on my mind though he says he has forgotten it. it stinks to know you're being similarise with your ex lover. you will feel pissed off and then you can jump down from the 12th floor and die. but i know, though he says he has forgotten about it, deep inside, he's still thinking why i dont wish to share my problem with him. one of my boy friend say that whenever his girlfrend does that to him, he will feel that the girl doesnt trust him. he's speaking from a man's point of view. so, i think he feels the same way too. so, planning to bake a cake for him this thursday. chocolate cake with nutella chocolate in the middle and the words:
S-O-R-R-Y on top of it, using icing sugar. he love chocolate. haha. hope that will make him feel better.

okay, it's already morning and i am still awake. need to wake up at 5.30am later. better get some sleep before i sleep in the next maths calculus lecture . bye!

much love,
umairah.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
1:16 AM

Sunday, July 02, 2006

MixedFeel.

Dear virtual diary,

I am feeling a mixture of insecured, happy, overjoyed, angry, confused and contented. i am not in my state of mind right now. probably, today, was really fucked up with work i guess. bloody hell. this is the first big fight we had. i dont know what to say and what to do.

Happy. overjoyed. i told mum yesterday that i had a special friend with me right now. i can't go on telling lies to her anymore. got to have parents blessings, then you can be happy with your loved ones. amazingly, she didn't scold me. haha. neither did she nag larh. she asked me about his background. most importantly, i already got my parents blessings. my fahter is also find with it as long as my choice respects elderly without angkongs. he also already have a career of his own. so, mum is not quite worried larh. so, my mum ask him to come over for dinner or for raya visit this year. hee. the feeling is like... contented man.

next, feeling so angry. i am very very very angry until i can bite your toes and chipped your nails. grr grr grr. i was bullied larh today at work. stupid fuckers. umairah do this umairah do that. so stupid. get a few scoldings here and there today. even the new crews has took over my place, my position. stupid sehhs. haishh. my head is turning curtwhells already. i got many stuffs to think:
school.projects.assignments.money.exams.
eatingdisorder.soundswhichsometimesiimagine. arh!
malas wanna talk about this stupid shit.

okay, lastly, i think, after everything good, something bad will happen. we had a quarell today. a quarell which happens suddenly. both were not being ourselves i guess. giving him reason, i put down the phone. msg him after that. but, there's no reply. uh. this feeling sucks. insecure. thats the word to describe my feeling. i guess, i must be strong in order to continue the relationship. obviously, i must go through the ups and downs larh. i need ideas: how to please males after quarelling. lols. pls help me. arghhs. nvm. i dont wanna type anymore. i am sleepy now. tmrw sch. no hols! stupid chikuneneh.

buy larh.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
11:39 AM

Saturday, July 01, 2006

i heart him.

i enjoy today to every bits. since he entered my life, i feel like my life is more meaningful now. i got someone to share my problems with, someone who cares for me and most importantly, someone who loves me. he have made it clear that not all the guys are the same. i used to say that to him " all guys are jerks". But, he's not. i love him and i truly do. Dear Allah, please don't take alfian away from me. he's my soul, my breath and my life.

so, woke up at 10 am today. it's late i know. been sleeping in late hours lately. i think, i just caught with insomnia. haha. whatever shit. made my way to tampiness mrt station and he fetched me from there. btw, thank you ai'in for teman-ing me sampai paya lebar. kalau tidak, mendak lah aku. it's pure luck that i caught ai'in at the bus stop. so, at least, i got someone to keep me accompany along my long journey. hehe. reached tampiness mrt station ard 1.oo pm. hehe. it's late actually. so, made our way to akak didi's place. yeyy! can see baby iffah. she's so cute, VERY VERY VERY cute! I so LOVE babies! Got to carry her, cuddle her, mumbled with her. haha. tak takut orang larh dia. so nice. hehe. so far, akak didi's is a really nice person. easy to get along with. i admit that we do get along quite fast. haha.

then, my heart thump more faster as we made our way to b's place. meeting his parents today. -_- the feeling was....horrible. i got butterflies in my stomach already. haha. but, my heart was quite relieve to see his father smile beamingly at the entrance as he open the door to welcome us. salam his parents larh after that. haha. must show good example. his parents sporting larhs. talk and talk and talk all the way. and and yarh, his father say " beruntung kalau dapat jadikan menantu". *muahahahahaha* thee feeling was like... heaven. * grin*

then, waited for his parents to get ready, changed up and we headed down to parkway parade. the best thing about there is, there's not much minah and mat. we ate at thai kitchen restaurant. the food down there was not bad at all. haha. one most embarassing thing that happened there was, i accidentally, happily ate b's father thai fried rice. i already took 3 spoonful bites seh when we then realised that i ate the wrong dish. muahahhaa. now, the feeling was like... malu giler seh. haha. it's a sweet memory that i won't forget larh.

next, we went jalan-jalan around the mall. cik norlitah and akak didi bring baby iffah to this junior barber where they only cut baby's hair. as usual, b will be heading to sports shop especially adidas shop to find his tights -_-". so, after baby iffah is done with her haircut, we went to topshop. i was forced to buy stuff. haha. and i was tricked. haha. akak didi asked me to try this green top. its nice larh. so cute. polka dot black. sweet larh. so, i just try it on. it's nice.
so, he bought for me that shirt which cost $86. it's super expensive for just a top sia. anyway, thanks soo much sweetheart. i sayang u many many. (:

lastly, headed down to anderson's ice cream. shared this chocolate ice cream with him. it taste nice. like got susu gituks. $4 per cone. haha. then, we he sent me home to b.l interchange. went to j.p before hand but sadly, most of the kedai is closed already. haha. bumped onto ayu. she just came back from her uncle's place. birthday part if i am not wrong. haha.

okay larh. got to sleep. working tomorrow at 10am. so stupid. i am so tired.

sincerely,
umairah.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
11:20 PM