I carve YOUR name in my heart; PERMANENT.

Friday, June 29, 2007

@#@!$!#!@#!@#
Aku nak type dalam bahasa melayu lah for this.
Hati aku sakit gila bercampur geram yang tak terhingga.
Geram sampaikan kasut kau kalau aku gigit, confirm koyak rabak.
Ada boyfriend pon kadang-kadang menyakitkan hati.
Bukan nak buat aku happy ke apa tauu!
Aku da lah stress dgn exams.
Belajar mcm tongkang pecah.
Sengkang mata sampai selit dgn toothpicks mcm Mr. Bean dia tak tahu tau.
Aku ingatkn si dia nie boleh lah call aku sekejap at least untuk kasi otak aku yang dah setengah beku ni refresh sikit.
Ni tidak.
Dia boleh cakap lagi dia dah ngantok.
Madang hentam asyik ngantuk ajaaaaa. Aku pon bosan siak. Aku dengar suara dia dalam satu minggu, kurang2 dalam satu jam siak.
Baik aku matair si nerd pat class aku tuh.
Walaupon dia pakai cermin mata mcm Mr. Kiasu dan ada tahi lalat seimbas mcm Mr. Phua Chu Kang, at least dia boleh spend time dgn aku seh.
Kalau tak keluar pon, dia mesti akan call aku punyer.
bukan mcm si dia nie.
Semalam aku tgu punyer tgu dia call, dia bagi alasan,
" Tengah pasang sarung tilam", Macam mana aku tak geram? @#!$#!@$@#$!@#$
Bukan sekali. Bukan dua kali. Bukan tiga kali tau dia buih aku.
Tapi dah.. ntah uh.
Aku pon dah lost count. Too many too count uh.
Bila aku keluar dgn kawan pulak, dia blame aku.
Asyik prioritize kawan, tak endahkan dia.
Siap la kau D________O. Aku tahu macam mana nak ajar kau.
Kasi kau sampai menangis keluar tahi dari hidung dan mata -_-
kay aku tak senonoh.

Dan aku tak belajar terus for exam aku besok. #$%#@$#@4
Dah buang tebiat heh aku.
Tapi seriously otak dah tak boleh masuk.
no matter how hard aku try, the info doesn't get in my brain.
tsk. tak tahu lah.
Aku nak matair dgn apek yng berCPF dan boleh beri aku tumpuan 24/7 pls -_-

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
12:45 AM

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

My brain is going to burst soon.
I really despise exam period.
The moment that I really have to sacrifice my sleep and slacking time.
The moment I have to force myself to memorise things that i've never understand.
That's where the stress period says hello to me. hmph.
& yesterday engineering maths paper was totally sucks.
I don't know what the hell am i thinking uh.
UMAIRAH WAKE UP.
Like so suddenly,
this brain of mine was hitted by mind block. I cannot even vomit out or recall all the stuff that I had studied. Maybe, I was too mentally tired and worned out. Sigh.
It is just not a day for me. Especially when I saw that babi the bitch after 2 weeks of holidays. If killing is not a sin and it is not against the law, she will be the first one I will murder. -_- Goodbye.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
4:42 PM

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Birthday wasn't that bad afterall.
Though mum forgots about 20 June,
she stills bought two extra large pizzas from canadian pizza the next day.
On the birthday itself, i thought of going to orchard and buy present for myself.
That is, indugle in shopping [:
But, luckily shaf tagged along.
& she was like going tsk tsk on me on spending money like pouring water.haha.
Ai'in will do that too if she's with me. LOL.
if not, it will be the most pathetic birthday ever.
but, unfortunately, the thought of spending time with sweetheart on 20 June itself is just a dream for me.
He's at work and was undergoing some millitary training.
So, it's not his fault either.
At least he sang for me over the phone smack on 12am. heeeeeeee.
Oh and thanks all for the messages!
be it on freindster, tagboard or via sms.
I appreaciate it ALL.
Then, on 22nd June, finally get to meet up with sweetheart.
head to plaza singapura & was surprised with a ring as a belated b'day gift.
& it has his name carve on my ring.
He actually ordered two of them.
He's with my name written on it.
& besides each name, there is a small diamond on it.
When both rings joined together, it actually forms a small heart shape
& the line " Mai love Pian".
Thanks sweetheart for the gift [:
That night was magical.
It feels good when his arms wrapped me.
I can hear his heartbeat and his breath was close to my ears.
Everything was perfect.
Then, the next day,
went to east coast with sweetheart's family with some of his cousin.
Iffah was there. So, I am super hyper lah on that day. haha.
then, had nasi ayam penyet at changi village for dinner.
& $#%$#@%#$. MY DIGICAM IS SPOILT.
Thanks to desmond for making it fall from approximately 50cm and hit the floor.
& babi the bitch for borrowing the camera for one whole day and just to let me discover it's spoil the next day.
Now I cannot even take any pictures or transfer pictures into PC.
THERE GOES MY $499 OLYMPUS 7.1 megapixels camera.
#%#@!$#@$@#$#
Thankfully, dad extended it's warranty summing up to a total of 3 years.
& I must pray hard for my parents not to find out about the spoilt camera.
If they do, I am going to be dead meat.
I AM SO ANGRY AND I FEEL LIKE SMASHING THEIR HEADS WITH A CHAIR PLS.
%$#%!!!!!!!!!!!

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
11:51 PM

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

12 am.
18 candles i blew.
The thought of celebrating it makes me sick.
the best birthday gift that my Alfian can give me is to spend the entire noon with me. be there for me and cuddle me like he used to back faraway.
middle finger to the expensive gifts or splendid candlelight dinner.
I don't need all that to put a grin on my face. Maybe i'd looked delighted. But, they sure are fake.
I longed for the cuddles and affection that you used to give me. Now, I've blown goodbye kisses to them.
Even on the early morning of my suppose to be head over heels day,
you put up a nonsencical issue for us to argue over it. ridiculous.
Even to the extrim of telling me that you'd still be able to breath even without my existence and you can't put up to all the downs anymore.
In other words, are you telling me to SCRAM?
In an instance, my head spins and my ears feels like exploding. My platelets feels like bursting and my knees feel weak, rooted to the ground.
Are you pretending all this long?
Are you making me your talking puppet with a string attached to it?
I feel so weak. For once, I feel that I am the weakest emotional moron that Allah has created.
Alfian, you got 24 hours to make up your mind.
Stay with it or end it and says fuck you to the one year and a month we've wasted together.
This is the best birthday for me I guess.

Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to Nur Umairah,
Happy birthday to me...

Ya Allah,
The Alimighty,
Make me strong.
Don't let the destroyer satans take over me.
I am human. I am weak.
Amin...

Thanks for the wishes all who wishes. Allah bless all of you. Amin.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
1:03 AM

Friday, June 15, 2007

Smack That Off.
I will leave the unpleasent episodes behind.
I am sure all this happend for a reason.
There's no use to get all so saddened upon it.
For sure, I must believe there's a positive factor out of all the negative ones.
For now, I will just hold on to the saying, absence makes the heart grows fonder.
& i will just wait for the other saying,but presence strengthens it to happen.
The moment will come. I know. I have faith that it will come. One day.
It is already 1 year and 1 month we've been together.
I won't let the slightest or sillest thing ever to ruin everything. We have come this far. It's a waste if i ever raise a white flag and gave everything up. I love you sweetheart.
& yuhhhhh, congratulations on your promotion.
I am happy for you. [:
Mama's boy make me proud. teehee.
goodbye.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
1:42 PM

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

The transition on time is making me bleeding inside.
The gloomy dark sky seems darker. Ain't no sunshine.
Even the rose that you gave me, had pricked my fingers with it's thorns.
the bed of garden seems so beautiful in the beginning. even hummingbird were blinded by it's beauty.
but deep inside, do the children running aroung enjoying it's scenery knows, it's dying of hunger.
it's dying of thirst for attention. it's wilting.
maybe i'm wrong. maybe i'm right.
or maybe, things will never be like what we want.
a scented rose will never be a scented one forever.
the blue sky will never stay blue forever.
& the gloomy night will never be dark forever.
maybe.
I am wrong.
Let the time blowing goodnight kisses decides.
set me free from all this. forever.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
6:00 PM

Monday, June 11, 2007

It's a downfall of a pretty horizon.
Now, I can only see gloomy dark sky covering the edge of my empty soul.
The rainbow which I used to draw on air with my fingers, are slowly vanishing in the thin air. Tears dried up in the lonely night. My heart says there's a barrier in between us.
I asked myself.
Why must there always be a boon after a bane in my life.
Maybe you didn't realise this. But my feeling for you started to get all mixed up. Hearing your voice to eliminate this loneliness is a far cry.
I don't blame you. So, please, don't blame me if we're getting further and further apart. I am confused.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
1:00 AM

Sunday, June 03, 2007

The plan to eastcoast beach with sweetheart quite pays off, subtracting the minor arguments playing around the time.
I placed my feet under the sand and let the calm sea washes it away.
The momentum of the swaying trees feels like they were whispering soft melodies to me.For a while, I felt so free. Free from all problems. Just like a bird in the sky.

And this other tragedy that happens today shall remain in my mind. When I saw the handicapped toilet was vacant, I quickly went in to do my hair and washed my face. While I was washing my face, I heard a constant hard breathing. It sounded just like someone grasping for air. I ignored though I was a bit terrified. When I started to washed away the foam off my face, the breathing became louder. Just then I realised that my knees were like jelly and beads of perspiration started to form on my forehead before it trickled down. I quickly unlock the door and went off to sweetheart. Scary.

We rented the two-seaters bicycle. It's really hard to paddle with him since he's always playing around by pressing a sudden break or controlling the handle from left to right and vice versa. Sweetheart really made me angry and still continued to do those nonsence. I swear I was so damn irritated with him just now. The four hours of constant paddling and on and off bumping have causes my bottom to go sore. It's really painful especially when the bones socket near my bottom presses on my bottom. With the weight, it adds on pressure to it.
SAKIT GILAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
As a revenge, I took a picture of him when he's sleeping on the lap.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Giant sandcastle

Thanks Allah for this scenery

Clippers anyone? i need to clip his lips close. lol.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
12:56 AM

Friday, June 01, 2007

My brain is as sick as the dead fishes in the sea, polluted by chemical x.
It feels like thick greenish liquid slowly oozing out from the brain cells.
My head feels as heavy as a four litre water bag.
The stress level i'm facing nowadays is getting from bad to worse.
In addition to the communication breakdown i'm facing with my parents recently, just made my tummy turned cartwheels most of the time.
& the more than enough project works, assignments and tests coming up.. Oh, they are just making me more miserable.

Thank God for meeting me with Alfian. He's really there for this whole week when i really need someone to lean and cry on the shoulder. He's there to give a hug and comfort me. I feel so secured and assured that everything will turns up well soon when my body wraps around his strong arms. Though i'm really down, he did whatever he could to paint a smile on my face. From the Singapore Arts Festival to the escape theme park to the movies marathon- pirates of carribean and shrek to the baby sitting and to the pigging out. Day after day. Thank you very much sweetheart. I appreciate it loads sweetheart. Contented, I am.

Ouhhhh. I just want to grow up fast with a good career. So that I can get married and have my own family. Where I am free from doing projects with irresponsible idiots and memorising stupid semi batch reactors characteristics. The giggle from my baby will sounds like a lullaby to me; the cure for my exhaustion. And I will have my own home so that I don't have to argue with my parents over slightest things anymore. Sigh.

Oh && I AM OFFICIALLY BROKE NOW PLS.

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
10:36 PM