I carve YOUR name in my heart; PERMANENT.

15 October 2006.
officially off.
if happiness means seperation.
then, i have to swallow it.
whats the use of holding onto it if you are not happy with me?
gosh sweetheart.
you broke my heart.
but i still love you.
i' ve learnt to forgive and keep loving you over and over again despite anything that had happened.
knowing that you love & drool over that chocolate cookies,
i took the hassle to find the recipe to make them for you.
have to grate the chocolate & my mum said,
" sanggup heh kau nak parut choc. besar tu"
but i just kept quiet.
until i grated my own hands.
though its painful,
i know the pain will be gone watching you eating them.
but i guess, its just an imagination.
knowing you were sick on that day as you told me,
i decided to just pass it to you at your house.
from jurong west, i travelled to tampiness
just to know you were not at home.
sweetheart, you dont know how much i miss you since the day you went to tekong until now.
i thought i could get a glimpse of you, one sec pon jadi lah.
but to no avail.
it seems like you're avoiding me.
called you, and you hang up on me after i refused to tell where am i.
my heart was totally trashed.
but, i learnt to forgive you.
my heart was more tortured and pissed after you say,
" actually i got the intention to break off before i go to tekong. tapi tak sampai hati. & what must i tell my mother"
oh god, i swear i feel like slapping myself for loving you too much until its hard for me to let you go. just to know that do you really love me or what?
i dont need your sympathy.
i got my dignity.
wheres all the promise you told me?
the baby i wont leave you no matter what happens?
where is it?
sweetheart, at least i know,
when i promised that i will wait for you,
means i will.
even if it takes me a 5 years.
but, wheres your promises?
but, i know, you are part of me and when you're gone,
a part of me will always be with you honey.
i cried. i cried the whole night.
i even surrendered my dream of playing today's hockey match.
i cant take this anymore.
till then, take care Alfian...

atribute to my special one, alfian:

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
9:40 PM