I carve YOUR name in my heart; PERMANENT.

i feel like dying now.
yesterday night was the nightmare
which i wish never happened.
why he said it?
& later acts like nothing has happend.
i am scared. i am scared with humans name guys.
if ever he's given the second chance,
i wont fly too high.
if i ever fly to high & when i fell,
its going to be more heart-wrenching.
i begged. i plead. i cried.
then i asked myself,
" wheres my dignity? "
why must i begged & thinking of ending my life,
just for a guy.
is it worth it? is it worth the nine month pain that my mum have to carry?
do Allah send me to live in this world for a guy?
NO. its not worth it.
but, i am too weak to stop qada' and qadar from Allah.
i am just His ordinary human.
all i can do is to pray for his forgiveness
& brighten my heart.
May Allah bless our relationship sweetheart.
i dont think i will be the old umairah you know.
i am scared to put all my trust on humans.
i dont know... the first time i cried like i lost my mother over the phone.
the first time i begged my friend to have him back.
its so not me. but i dont care.
cause i love you very much.
after you say you wanted to work things out back,
& starts afresh,
i became scared. i am scared if it happens again.
if it ever happens again,
i dont know how i will react.
i dont know...
i dont know...
i dont know...

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
10:58 PM