I carve YOUR name in my heart; PERMANENT.

i am not okay. i am going insane. true enough as i thought, i am suck at love, live and eveything! i tried to told her about why i am acting coldly towards him but she just wont listen. haiz. she just think of the other side of the whole story. that is, i am at fault. i am in the wrong. i tried to avoid him just because i get sick of guys easily. perharps, maybe people can think for the fact that, i do things with reason. nothing will be done without reason. i just think that his controlling me. wtf. i can't even join hockey for the fact that he wants more time spent with him? he thinks that i don't love him anymore just bacause i don't msg and call him. love is in the heart. it is not by ohone calls or sweet msgs. though i don't call you for even 100 days, i know. deep inside, i carved your name in my heart. now, you leave me with the wounds. i am just tired of being pushed and forced to do stuffs that i don't want to do. okay. recently, we had some stupid fights. and nowadays, i find him very irritating. scolding for not calling him. scolding me for not going to his workplace. scolding me for not spending ample time with him. scolding me for being too busy. he even check my saved msgs and will asked who is this and watsoever. i am so stressed out- no privacy, feels like i am on the chessboard and someone's controlling my movement. he have to understand me. i have a very tight routine. i don't even have the fcuking time to get enough sleep. i sleep roughly ard 3 hours per day which makes my eyes look like a whole bunch of polar with bananas! i have to conceal the dark circle under my eyes with foundation. going window shop and thoning with my girlfriends is a far cry. i am so pissed off with his attitude. things start up well at first until these few days. i bet, we have too many differences larhs. we just can't blend like i've thought all this while. i just got no speacial feelings towards you now. buys. i will just pretend till the day come where i will give you a hard tight and let you go, forever.

Grr. grrr! i still haven't skipped any tutorials nor lectures so far. this is a good sign ( : but, my marks suffer. i scored just a 53% for my chemical engineering principles. thats so pathetic. i need an a to get to a local university. if my marks continue to be like this, i'll have to go overseas to study. that will require a sum of money. how? robbed the bank i guess. lols. sometimes, i hoped that i got some sleeping pills right now and just swallow it and sleep for a year. life's damn stressful for me right now. it's too much. now, i get too emotional easily and easily pissed off with a few words till i cry. re-calling an incident, i fought with my friend. i was totally pissed of with him till i cried. its even during calculus maths lecture and the person sitting beside me must be thinking.. what the hell is she doing. lols. pls don't hate me for being emo. its not a sin okay to be emo. life's filled with ups and downs. i wish i am a bird. don't have to worry about bgr, lectures ans tutorials. i just have to know how to build a nest, learn to fly and lay many many healthy eggs! lols.

okay, i have not done my maths calculus assignment. i don't wish to do it! hmmmph.

much love,
umairah

Make me yours tonight, Let me die in your arms;
12:14 AM