pieces of me

2009-08-23T15:24:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt that your entire self wasn't being appreciated?
Have you ever woke up feeling disgusted with yourself for loving someone way too much when on the other hands, you are doubting her/his love for you?
Have you ever felt that you were too kind to your other part that he/she is taking things for granted?
Have you ever felt so fed up with your other half that you want to end things with him/her but it never happened cause you love them too much and afraid of letting go?

Well, these are the feelings bottled up in me for years.

2009-08-19T22:58:00.005+08:00

I am back from the world of laziness.

It's not that I don't have the time to update. But, I am plain lazy.
Many things happened in life that taught me to be a better person in whole.
Dad recently got his prostatic right leg. He's not happy with it as he claimed that wearing it is painful. Some people around me are complaining about their life.
Well, my dad isn't working and for now, my mum and myself are the main sole breadwinner. Sometimes, we need to be contented with what we have. Always remember, if you think you are unfortunate, there are someone more unfortunate than you.

I love my mum. She's a great woman. When my dad got the news that he's leg had to be amputated for the second time, he broke down into tears. Never in my whole twenty years have I seen my dad cried. To my surprise, mum stayed strong and supported him by giving him constant encouragement, repeteadly saying "it's okey". If it's me in her shoes, I will break down as well. Then, when my dad was discharged and allowed to stay at home, my mum nursed and took care of him. Under pressure and great stress, dad always scolded mum, me and my other siblings. The stress level I had that time was unbearable that I broke down and complained to my mum. I had no one except for my mum that time. Friends? I don't know where all of them were. Boyfriend? Out of my thinking box. Mum did not even complained a single minor thing. I want to be like this strong woman.

I am glad that sweetheart is back from his four months deployment in Gulf of Aden. I am more contented that my prayers were finally answered. This man really changed for the better. Frankly speaking, I thought of leaving him when he's away (I know this sounds bitchy). Close friends who understands my situation have been telling me to settle down with someone better. Well, after a few thoughts and flashbacks on how he treated me, I decided to put a stop to everything. But, alhamdulillah, when he comes back, he really showed me that he's worth that another chance. Now, I am in love with this man all over again. We did alot of catching up and of course, satisfying cravings :)

And also, the craving to soak under the sun...

Happy Ramadhan to all the muslims (:

2009-06-19T22:43:00.014+08:00

Batam trip was better than what I expected.
3 days stay in Harris was great.
Great service with commendable people working there.
We were greeted with a song, drinks and hot towels. The kids got a packet of popcorns each.
From there, I knew that we would enjoy our stay in Harris.
2 days straight, we had seafood for dinner by the sea.
Oh, and I don't think Singaporeans will ever dare to drive on the Batam's road. It is so dark, I can barely see my own hands. Only the headlights from the taxi shining it's way through. The drivers in Batam drove their vehicles, majority consist of motorcycles, like they own the road. It's so scary.
When the red lights turn on or at any time the road gets congested due to heavy traffic, there will be little children knocking on the cars, taxis or bus window to sell newspapers. It's a very pitiful sight. Singapore kids are bloody fortunate.
Thinking of this, I should have taken photos of them and show it to my students.
Provided, they truly understands the message and idea I'm trying to convey to them.

Ps. Nie, Pls open your eyes wider and find only those who are really passionate to be a teacher (Sickening).

2009-05-31T00:07:00.007+08:00

Finally, I've graduated. Congratulation to the Class of 2009, School of Chemical and Life Sciences (Diploma in Chemical and Pharmaceutical Technology) . I struggled my way through for the past three years and now it's over. I don't have to memorise PFD, understanding how the reactor system behaves, do calculations for distillation columns and some other equipments, sweating my ass off climbing columns just to record the pressure of the reactants.

But, I will miss going to lectures and tutorials, eating from the school canteen food, criticizing the weird lecturers fashion sense, skipping lectures, doing lab reports, getting nervous over a presentation, sleeping in the train after such a long tiring day and mostly, I am going to miss Salma. During my poly years, she's the only one who I stick and depend on as my listening ears.

Here are just some photos..

My mother is my pillar of strength and she's the reason for every success I taste.

I gonna miss boxing Shahfiq in the lift. I gonna miss putting water balloon on Suren's bag. Well, my class know me as someone mischievous, funny and up to many things haha.

Lastly, some changes on image. I miss the curls but it's bugging me in the sense that it's too dry with split ends.

2009-05-17T00:29:00.002+08:00

Forced myself to wake up at 6am today to accompany mum and sister to Raffles convention Center for the MDIS scholarship and bursaries award ceremony.
Bought mum the new arrival crocs for her belated mother's day cum birthday gift.
Bought sister her hoodie.
Bought nothing for myself.

I got so many things in mind:

- Get a big Charles and Keith handbag for myself
- Get my hair straight
- Buy myself two dresses
- Dinner treat for mummy, mama and papa
- Car do for sweetheart once he return as a belated birthday gift
- Fish spa and shopping spree with Kak Aidah and Kak Didi

Shit. If only I am a tai tai...
Any businessman wants to make me as their tai tai girlfriend?!
lol

2009-05-13T23:16:00.002+08:00

I asked myself, are you worth waiting for?

Gosh I hate the fact that I strongly want to call it over.

BUT, once it's over, I am the one who will cry for you back.

HOOKED.

2009-05-09T01:27:00.004+08:00

I thought I am strong.
But now, I see the world came tumbling down after me.

Boyfriends are there. But friends are the one who are true.

Laila, Please take me to Cambodia? The hot burning sun doesn't matter and is nothing compared to this burning pain in my hear. haiz.

I want it over, but HOW? Ya Allah tell me how?

It's so impossible. But I know it's possible. Why do I need to love that boy so much when all he cares is family, career, prospects and car?

Four months away from each other. With no source of connections to reach through him. HE BLOODY GIVE ME TWO FUCKING MISS CALLS JUST NOW AND I FUCKING DIDN'T HEAR IT. I was praying hard that he would call again. But he doesn't! I can't even call back!

FUCK FUCK FUCK. I REALLY HATE THIS AND CANNOT TOLERATE THIS ANY FURTHER!

I REGRET TO BE WITH A SOLDIERRRRRRRRRRR. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. FUCKING REGRET.

SUCK BALLS.

Tell me, do I deserve this kind of life? I AM FUCKING SICK OF LIFE.

HATE IT.

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK #%#$#%#$#$#%@#$

2009-05-03T20:52:00.008+08:00

Basically, I got nothing to do since I have finished my school work.

So, I tried this particular website which enables you to see how your future baby will look like with whoever partner you choose. LOL.

Then, I tried on different celebreties ahahahahaha. Cool uh.

So, firstly, I tried with Zac Effron, my all time sexy man LOL.

Not bad, right? I guess Zac's is a good material for making baby LOL

Secondly, I tried... Adam Brody :)

LOL. I am confused if this is a baby boy or baby girl hahahaha.

Thirdly, I tried... Brad Pitt! lol

I think this hot man only makes cute babies with Angelina. Look at that baby face! It looks like an old man to me!

Then, I tried to match the lady which sweetheart envy lol. That is, Eva Mendes.

LOL. Not so bad, heh? Their baby looks like Pikachu, from the Pokemon series lol.

Okey, lastly, I tried to put sweetheart and my picture together. It turns out to be...

Errrrrrrrrrrrr..... No comments. This girl has minah-looking eyebrows lol.

Ultimately, I will just want a healthy bouncing baby in future :)
Amin.

2009-05-03T02:15:00.002+08:00

This feeling is TERRIBLY TERRIBLE.
I am waiting... and waiting... and waiting.
It seems forever!
Okey, why am I complaining when I am the one who choose this path when cleary there are different paths for me?
Oh my God... Can't help it.
But it takes forever to wait for August.
I am simply working my ass off on weekdays and weekends, I will just rot at home.
I am trying had, realllly realllllly hard to live with it. But it's killing me man!

OMG. If I ever broke up, my husband to be MUST NOT BE A SOLDIER, i tell you.

*Pain in the ass feeling*

2009-04-28T23:58:00.003+08:00

OMG.
I bump onto my friend's friendster profile.
I laughed when I saw...

" I don't need money, I don't need car and all I need is my boyfriend". (Sounds cliche tak? haha)

Come on... in a world like this, do you think love itself is able to make your empty stomach full?

I know that I am too use in having my boyfriend around me.
But, i can't live without money lol.
BULLSHIT hahaha.

Come on, stop living in your own fairytale where there are only happy endings.
Reality wise, there are so many gambles you have to take to live in this world. bahhhhh.

Oh, May is coming.
Soon it will be June.
Then count down for July to be over.
Can't wait can't wait.
Miss you so much already.
But, I am still a happy bear :) baabaaaa lol

2009-04-20T23:28:00.000+08:00

Right now, I am figuring out, why is my life so complex. I felt so disgusted with myself for jumping into such complexity. Perharps, I am reading in between lines too much. Love is just a word. It couldn't be felt or touched, if only you undergo it. I keep on asking my angel, if I am going to regret with my choice? But, all I get is silence. I was left hanging in midair. I am lost. Totally.

The sound keeps on whispering to me continously. " Will you really treat me like how real man respects ladies? Will you ever appreciate me like how I appreciate you? Will you ever love me like how I love you? Will you ever show care and concern like how I poured it to you? " No doubt, it irritates me to keep on thinking of something so minor, yet fragile.

Your downpour can be shielded by the family's love. Somehow, I felt that I have lost all my sense of dignity as a woman. I have lost all my inner strength that actually holds and which actually keeps me bounded. Why do I cried and begged? To think back, I don't have to do that if our love is really true and genuine. As a person with a right mind, I realised, even if God were to put us on so much tests, as a man who really loves me, you would press on, just like how you went through the jungle confidence course, way back in Brunei. Just when you already sunk your throat in that coke, someone just tapped and talk the shit out of you to go back there and TRY AGAIN. And you did, till you successfully got it. But, you narrowed your mind and thoughts and nailed it to a final decision which ripped my heart off.

I begged. I cried. I cried and I begged again. Only the true love for you which actually lights my inner soul and place my dignity aside, and ask for you back though I know that true love isn't suppose to be begged upon. I question myself, if you ever lost me, will you actually do the same thing like what I did? Will you actually begged and plead?

I was too vulnerable and kind. When I love someone, I put my heart and soul into it. Somehow, I just don't get the same thing in return.

Then again, I asked, will you ever find someone who could love you more than how I love you? If there is, I am willing to let you go cause your happiness is the everything which matters to me.

(I let my emotions typed the words out)

2009-04-19T23:09:00.003+08:00

Right now, I am sitting down, wondering why is my life so stagnant.
I got so many plans for my future. But, it seems that it's still a far cry for me.
I am seriously sick of being look down upon. Even people close to my heart is capable of doing so. He just tore and ripped my heart without him knowing. Well, I am immune to it already.
I guess, life is always unfair.

There are two things I am afraid of doing.
First, marrying a man I love but incapable of giving me a happy life because of serious differences we have.
Secondly, not marrying someone I am slowly falling for because my soul is tied to the one I am with.

I think I am in this situation.
I hate and disgusted with myself for setting myself up in this kind of complexity.

I hate the fact that I am growing up too fast.
How I wish I was a baby where everything was so carefree.

Sigh.

2009-04-12T00:15:00.007+08:00

Well, sweetheart is leaving me for four months to bring pride for our country.
It's only three days since he left me but I am already feeling his loss. To my horror, he even told me that the four months period might be extended. Hopefully with Allah's will, it will not happen.

I tried to be strong and not to cry when he leave. But, I just can't hold back my tears. I swear when I board the bus, tears just stream down on my hot face. I just couldn't help it. Right now, I am taking everything slowly and steadily. I know, my boyfriend isn't the perfect boy and the ideal husband like I want. He did shits to me too. But, nobody's perfect. Even I did alot of wrong doings to him too. Now, you people know why I can't leave him right? I just couldn't bear the loss.

I swear, I wasn't the perfect girlfriend. All along, I am not so supportive with his job as a regular. You know, if your boyfriend is in national service and you make a big fuss out of it, wait till your boyfriend becomes a regular if he decides to sign on. You will sure get what I meant. Time span with you will be short and overseas trip here and there.

After he went off, I realise this mistake. I should be more supportive with what he is doing since he finds joy in what he is doing. And, sometimes, I can be super rude to him. I can't help it. I will sometimes hung up the phone if I feel like it. Sometimes, out of the blue moon, my mood will change. From good to an unexplained bad one. There was once that I actually text him saying that I am close with another guy friend of mine. I did this because I felt that I am losing him already and he was to obcess with his career that I was left behind. I am so sorry dear for doing so.

Now, I've promised myself. I will turn over a new leaf. I promise myself. I will change for both parties. It's okey if I am the one who have to suffer. I just want the best for both of us.

Ya Allah,

Kau berikanlah perjalanan Dino Alfian Bin Dinas, perjalanan yang selamat.

Jauhkanlah dia daripada perkara-perkara yang tidak diingini.

Selamat pergi dan selamat kembali ke Singapura.

Lindungi dan perlihara lah hambamu itu Ya Allah.

Amin.

Waiting for you patiently here... Love ya.

2009-04-02T22:39:00.006+08:00

I can feel the pressure building up now.

After sorting out the piling worksheets since January, here comes another one.

I am rushing through the MLEA writing now and to my horror, they don't have any extra jotter books kept in class.

This will mean that I would have to chase after them to bring their jotter books which will take me some time (knowing my the class now).

My class played Crocodile Tea game just now.

It suppose to be fun, but it turned out to be a screaming session for me. -_-

Anyway, here is our Mr. Crocodile (birthday girl):

I envy her cuteness HAHA.

Her name is Shakira and I find that the class won't be lively without her presence. She is super cute too! :)

2009-03-23T23:12:00.009+08:00

For those kind hearted souls who have tagged me, giving me advices, deep down from the bottom of my heart, thank you to all of you. I appreciate it alot.
Just as I have thought, he would come back and he did.
And just as many close people thought, I gave in again.
For the tenth time now.
Cliche.
Last Thursday, met up with dear Salma.
Had truckloads of fun.
We do chat over in msn and talked on the phone often.
But, meeting up is still the best.

We did some catching up over at Starbucks.
I still prefer caramel frappecinno with milk base.
Working in the coffee making industry for two years somehow give me a good taste of what the drink would turn out to be haha.
Then, pooled and dinner at Breeks.
The service was super slow and atrocious.

2009-03-06T11:50:00.002+08:00

Oh my...
This is not as easy as it seems.
Day time, I will immerse myself in work and trying my best to laugh at funny children.
I try my best to console myself and telling myself that I deserve better.
Somehow, work help me to move on with life. I didn't look at my hp that much to check for any missed calls or msgs from him.
But, by night, the pain haunts me.
Each night, without fail, I will cry myself to sleep.
I tried my very best not to send him any msgs. I am not chasing this fellow anymore.
All this have to be put to a stop.
Let him find me and not vice versa. I want him to learn his lesson and not taking me for granted.
Deep down inside, I still love him more than ever, no matter what shit he threw me.
sigh.

2009-03-04T20:40:00.003+08:00

Hello world.
My four years relationship has officially ended.
He initiated it. He gave me back the ring which he swears he will wear as long as we are together.
So much downs compared to ups we went through together.
It's just not worth it.
FYI, it happened seven times before.
So, this is this the eigth time.
Friends call me stupid. Everyone who reads this will also call me stupid.
Yes, I am. I am hiding under the shell, scared to break open and come out.
I am scared of changes. I am so used to his presence.
The aura will be different if he is no longer around.

BUT, I got this feeling that he will come back to me begging me to take him back.
I'm not being complacent or whatsoever over here.
Think people, think.
If it happened for seven times already,
it will be very possible that this eighth time is another false alarm right?

But, the problem is me.
I really want to break open from the shell and see what God has for me.
I really don't know if I can do it.
But, I wil try.

Insyallah...

2009-02-16T21:54:00.003+08:00

I'm totally disappointed on a few individual who under estimate young talents.
Don't we deserve any chance to show that we actually inherit the potential to educate and nurture the younger society?
I bought stickers due to the intense excitement jumping in me.
But later found out that I was eager over nothing.
I swear I was totally dumbfounded when I was told about the issue (inside story).

BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

I just got to know from a contract teacher today that...
I can send as many applications as I want to NIE per year.
I was super duper dumb to think that I am restricted to only one application per year.

BODOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

So, right after sch, I rushed home and applied again.
Hopefully, I will get shortlisted and not repeat the same interview mistakes I did previously.

Insyallah. Amin...

2009-02-13T00:11:00.002+08:00

I'm so elated.
I'm going head over heels.
EXAMS FINALLY OVER.
The two weeks of intense studying is draining my evergy to the last bit.

As a reward, I went out with Salma today.
We went swimming and later splurge ourselves with food :D
We were two slenge humans on earth.
Went swimming without any towel, and later used tissue papers to dry ourselves. HAHAHA.

Ok great. Starting work real soon. I'm just hoping for the best.
Quit my barista job already.
I won't be able to cope with three jobs.

I'm human. NOT a robot.

It's been three long weeks since I saw my favourite boy.
I hope he's doing fine. I've planned something special for him this sat.
Hope everything turns out well :) hehe.

Shiela dear, here I come :D:D:D

2009-02-05T23:02:00.002+08:00

It's been two weeks plus since we last met.
I can only meet him after my annoying exams are over which is on the 14th Feb, in coincidence with Val.
Thus, I suggested a short Batam gateway, away from bustling town.
And we could indulge in spa and message, followed by seafood dinner by the beach.
Star gaing at night and some shopping therepy to end the day.
But, he insisted that he couldn't make it overseas even if it's a fast one, and it's beyond his control.
Then just now, he called and asked if I would like to join him with his men (bringing their wives/gfs) to a 2D1N trip to KL.
How do you think I would feel, people?

Thought that I could spend time with him since I missed him so much.
Ending up?
I was mad and asked him why out of the sudden, he's able to organise a trip out of Singapore, with the support of his men.
And you know what he told me?

Eh, why you never change uh? Pls la, change lah.

WHATTT???!!!
Now, you point finger at me and says it's my fault?
When in the first place, you told me that you can't make it away from Singapore?
This is so crazy.

Bottomline is, pls people.
Show me, who is at fault?
I don't even know how the fight broke out.
That's one of the biggest problem in my four years relationship with him.

COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN.

BUMMER.

2009-01-31T21:18:00.004+08:00

Great, Biologics Purification paper is on this coming Thursday.
Yet, I choose to study for my Process Operations and Optimisations paper which will be on Friday, first.
I am really scared that I can't make it through this particular paper. I ditched this paper real bad during the common test btw. Hopefully the VIVA, lab reports and e-learning tutorial managed to help me through uh.
Friday will be crazy. Process Operations and Optimisations paper followed by Good Manufacturing Practice paper.
Who on earth planned the bloody time table, hah? Such a bad planner -__-
And another three papers on the week after.
On top of that, annoying lecturers keep on giving tutorial assignments, lab reports and even excel tutorial excercises to do.
Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy hah, I tell you.

I am having a MOE Teachers Career Seminar tomorrow down at Orchard Hotel.
Still deciding if I should go or not.
So many things to study!
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Ps. Batam Gateway on Val.
BUT I am broke.
knn.

2009-01-29T13:03:00.010+08:00

Tuesday was spent with sweetheart at the birdpark.
It was donkey years since I last stepped to that place.
The weather was fine when we reached the place.
Somehow, it started to drizzle a bit and later poured after some time.
Making the map given as my mini shelter was pathetic.
Then, it stopped.
I was excited when I saw a hawk flapping it's wings and a talking parrot saying "Ni hao mah".
We searched high and low for the penguins exhibits. I whispered "Look out for Happy Feet" to sweetheart and he grinned.

At night, we went to watch Inkheart.
I enjoyed the show but sweetheart slept on certain parts of the movie.

EOY examination is in a week time.
I have not prepared a single thing.
I am too tired and sick of exam already.
I have to start doing my revisions today or I will ending up repeating another 6 more months in NYP.
Poly life is such a bummer.

Goodbye.

2009-01-20T23:56:00.004+08:00

This adv interest me most:

Fast-food chain Burger King has created "Whopper Sacrifice,"
a Facebook app that will give you a coupon for a free hamburger
if you delete 10 people from your friends list.
Burger King has put out some interesting campaigns as of late
("Whopper Virgin," "Subservient Chicken"), but this one piques
our interest because of how gleefully it pokes fun at our
social-networking obsessions.
"Now is the time to put your fair-weather Web friendships to the test,"
the Whopper Sacrifice site explains. "Install Whopper Sacrifice on your
Facebook profile, and we'll reward you with a free flame-broiled
Whopper when you sacrifice ten of your friends.

* available to U.S residents in the 50 united states and the district of columbia.

2009-01-13T01:01:00.002+08:00

The temperature reads -6.3deg.
The coldness could be felt like it is right under my skin.
I constantly blow in the air to see cloud forms.
It was donkey years since I went to Snow City.
It was the first time for sweetheart and he was super excited over very small things.
We went down the slope for countless times with different sitting position haha.
We laughed and played like small kids. It was fun. Then we went for picnic.
I prepared tuna sandwiches and chicken fried rice. Recession period :)
Then we went to have hotdogs with choco milkshake.

And the morning breeze in one fine Sunday was spend on movies and just chilling.
We went over to vivocity to watch Bedtime Stories starring Adam Sandler.
Nothing much to write on this.
Just pictures to prove that we are we enjoying every secs we spent together.

AND...
I know I'm freaking late.
But, here goes than nothing...
HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE (:

May Allah bless our relationship sweetheart.
Though it have been a super rollercoaster ride for us in 2008.
Amin.

2008-12-30T00:05:00.003+08:00

I'm bliss to have a splendid holiday with my special one.
After such a hard time facing the examination week, it is a fair reward to pamper myself.
3D2N to KL was super coooooooooooooooooool babe.
We went there by Premium bus. They serve us food onboard and the luxurious chair is equipped with built-in messager with a personal lcd screen.
So, I'm practically keeping my body messaged for the whole 5 hours journey :D

Oh and I had an amazing days of my life!
Fooooooooood glorious Fooooooooood, I tell you. HAHA.
We went to eat at Subway, Kenny Rogers, A&W, Pizza Hut, etc.
The food there are cheap. Plus, most food that we have in S'pore are not halal unlike M'sia eg. Subway.
The food is really gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood.
The pizza hut serves a hearty portion and they plays malay song lol. .
I hate Kenny Roger's roasted chix but loveeeee the chocolate muffin.

Now you guys might be thinking that I eat like a pig.
YES, I DO.
I ateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee all the way when I'm there lol.
It's a rare chance to eat like this man.
So, I gotta enjoy every single moment of it HAHA.

We went shopping and wandering around KL.
From Bukit Bintang to the heart of Chinatown.

Sweetheart treat me to Cosmo World.
He tried all the rides except me.
I am afraid of heights and can't stand giddy roller coaster rides.

This is how I look like after a turn and twirl ride.
I vomited all my stomach content out...

But the huge cotton candy managed to cure my upsets.
The RM4 cotton candy is really reallyyyyyyy worth it, I tell you.
It's superrrrrrrrrr huge uh.

We took train rides, merry-go-round, bumper cars, played arcades etc.

Oh and before leaving Singapore...

Of course, we die die must try the Malaysia power kick ass...

BURGER RAMLEE :D

2008-12-07T21:42:00.002+08:00

I HATE EXAMS.
Who the hell invent exams btw?
But, without exams, I doubt students will ever revise their work.
I will have to mug all the way until 12 Dec. Pathetic it seems.
KL KL KL trip!
I can't wait. :D

2008-11-25T00:07:00.002+08:00

Loverboy,
Not until you finally know how to respect me
and finally realise that I am a girl with pride and dignity,
don't bother coming.
I am so sick of this already.
It is not getting any better.
Another big mistake, everything shall perish.
I swear I hate this. But, reality have to be faced.
Till when I gonna be an ostrich, right?

2008-11-09T16:38:00.004+08:00

Dad is learning to welcome his changed lifestyle.
Even I am becoming stronger.
I believed everything happened with a reason.
On a happier note, school is ending soon.
Can't believe that I will be finishing my post secondary education in like four months time.
I will be continuing my studies. Insyallah, with God's willing. Amin.

Sweetheart and I spent out afternoon soaking under the sun yesterday at Pahlawan.
He was a bit cranky actually in the early part of the day.
And we got into tiny fights.
But, after three years, I have learnt to keep my mouth shut and leave the matter at rest.
It helps to calm situation.
Nevertheless, we had fun (:

Right after that,
this favourite boy of mine went to have a haircut and dinner over at pizza hut.
Ocean Catch the sex.

2008-10-13T00:07:00.000+08:00

Ya Allah yang maha pengasih lagi maha penyayang.
Berikanlah aku kekuatan, keimanan serta ketenteraman jiwa.
Berikanlah aku semangat yang kental untuk mengharungi segala ujian mu ini.
Aku adalah seorang hambamu yang sangat lemah.
Kadangkala, terasa diri ini hendak mengaku kalah sahaja.
Ujian yang diturunkan mu ini amat berat. Tidak berdaya aku menanggungnya.
Tiada siapa yang boleh mendengar jeritan jiwaku.
Meraung-raung, terkapai-kapai untuk diselamatkan dari belenggu masalah yang semakin lama, semakin memamah diriku.
Namun, hanya dirimu sahajalah tempat aku bergantung.
Tempat aku mencurahkan segalanya yang terpendam.
Merapatkan diriku kepada dirimu sahajalah cara aku mencari ketenangan jiwa....

2008-10-02T13:46:00.003+08:00

Ya Allah,
Kau kuatkanlah semangat hamba mu yang hina ini.
Sesungguhnya aku adalah hambamu yang lemah dan serba kekurangan.

Mum's wailings has been making me depressed.
In my entire life, i've never seen mum burst out to tears out of a sudden.
The sight eventually makes me fail to control my emotions that I have kept all this while.
Tears just drip.
I've always seen mum as a strong person. But that day, she just let everything out.
I know how she feels. Who won't if their husband's life's at risk?
What will happen next? I don't know.
This is the biggest challange God has given us.

As the eldest, I promised myself that I will change the fate of my family.
I will lead the way out of poverty.
I will make my mum a happy person in future.
Insyallah.
Semua, doakanlah...

Amin.

2008-09-02T14:43:00.003+08:00

well, it has been a long spicy weekend for me.
Spending time with sweetheart and fam is a pure bliss after a hard time at work.
Friday was Teacher's Day Celebration.
I was dumbfounded when a student waited for me at the main gate to pass me a card and locket with the initial "U" pendant.
gawddddddd. That's the sweetest thing someone might have done for me to make my day :)
Besides that, I also received a home-baked muffin, self-made bookmark with some meaningful proverb on it and a flower.
The muffin was goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood.
Then meet up with sweetheart for dinner at everyone's fav place, KFC :)

Saturday was spent with sweetheart and his fam under the sun at ecp.
His aunty and two cute nieces tagged along. Thus, makes me more exciteeeeeed. haha.
It started to drizzle a bit in the late afternoon. So, the plan of playing badminton was backfired.
But, everyone was happy that day :D
It's proven from Iffah's banana wide beam...

I can't help it but to put Ayiq's cute picture. He looks caucasian! gawd.

Later at night, we went for a billard game and bowling at downtown.
It was raining and the coldness failed to steal my excitement for my virgin attempt on this game lol.

See, everyone was excited. haha.

While waiting for our turn, we went to play in the Arcade.
It's fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.
Sweetheart even impersonate as a bus driver.
And I can't help but to laugh at his dumb expression. rofl.

Oh, and there's even a Mini Kid's Bowling Section.
I played there and I got a strike three in a row.
I was so overjoyed and proud of myself HAHA.

Then, on Sunday, sweetheart and I went down to catch a glimpse of Baybeats 08.
Some kids got into trouble by throwing light sticks in the air, hitting strangers. tsk.
The next band will be performing in another 45 minutes time.
I was bored of waiting so I went to buy cotton candy and camwhored like a tourist haha.

And the next day, we went to catch Death Race.

It is a breath taking movie.
And the guy has a hooooooooooooooooooooooooooot bod. haha.
The girl is also hot.
We camwhored everywhere haha.

and at the end of the day, we are one happy bean :D

2008-08-29T22:34:00.002+08:00

Duties Of A Teacher

The everyday duties of a teacher
Are as difficult as they can be,
Whether in a primary or secondary school
Or whether the teacher is a he or she.

The teacher must possess a bundle of information,
A knowledge that will constantly shine,
And in addition must maintain class discipline
To keep all the students properly in line.

There are insurmountable number of questions
To be answered during every period of the day,
And test papers must be carefully graded when
The students leave and go merrily on their way.

The pleasures and encounters of an evening out
Are few and seldom to be socially shared,
Because the next day's lessons must have priority,
Be reviewed and lessons carefully prepared.

A dedicated teacher gets a personal satisfaction
In this cumbersome and timeless atmosphere.
The role of a teacher is vital in this complex world,
Preparing all students for a future career.

-Joseph T. Renaldi

Now I understand why my Form Teacher nags at my class.
And now I understand why the discipline master will shout "keep quiet" to the sch every 5 mins.
Now I know the hardship of being a teacher.
If you ask me, is it for the money that I'm working for?
I will say a No.
A teacher. A noble job.
This is definitely my root.
Amin.

2008-08-21T21:22:00.002+08:00

First day as a relief teacher was a great exposure for me.
Meeting different students from different walk of lifes makes me realise how tough teaching can get.
Not everyone in a rowdy class are behaving like hooligans. Some were doing their work.
And not everyone in a goody good class are well behaved. Some were rowdy and the teacher's presence are invisible to them.
But, after teaching a whole new thing to your students and they were listening to you, calling you "cikgu cikgu, saya tahu jawapannye (teacher, teacher, I know the ans) ", makes my heart smile.
The warmth filled in my heart cannot be explained.
And at the end of the class when your students says "terima kasih cikgu (thank you teacher)", the sense of satisfaction can be felt.
Anyway, I love what I'm doing now.
And I enjoy every moment of teaching Bahasa Melayu.

Oh and I've digi permed my hair babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
With a few streaks of reddish brown to add glory HAHA.
But the colour are close to invisible lah -_-
Except for the top part which are more obvious than the below part.
I went to Shiseido Far East to do this crap.
So, you be the judge and think twice of going kay?

with/out highlights

2008-08-20T11:03:00.004+08:00

Helloooooooooooooooooo Everyoneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I went up and tried the S'pore Flyer.
I am 163 altitude above sea level babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Everyone looks soooooooooooooooooooooooo tiny from above. Like a mini giant Game of Life board game HAHA.

Oh and see that massive construction work in progress? It's a turn off, I know. tsk.

& can you spot Indonesia at the far end of the left side of this picture? TINYYYYYYYYY.

Oh well, but I just think that S'pore has exaggerated on the significance of this giant wheel.
Personally, I think the idea of going up the flyer for the first time in my life rly rly excites me.
But, after the first time, I won't waste my money to go up there again.
I was bored with the same old scenery after some time.

Se, you can tell it from my facial expressions. HAHA.

From his fake & unsincere smile, can tell that he is not a so happy boy that day. HAHA.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DOPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

But, we still smile and pose cause it's the first time we met again since his arrival from Brunei :D

We are a pair of HAPPPYYYYYYYYYY birds :D:D
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

2008-08-14T00:14:00.002+08:00

Just as I've expected.
Sweetheart appears so filthy scrawny.
He looks like he had been surviving 9 days in the jungle with just two slices of bread.
I will make sure he starts pigging in and gain those kilos he lost. hah.
The experiences about Jungle Confidence Course (JCC) he encountered are enough to make me lost my confidence in obtaining the JCC badge.
No wonder I can never be a female officer in SAF HAHA.
And thanks sweetheart for the Estee Lauder perfume.
I like it a lot (:

Final Industrial Report done!
9837 words long.
I swear I crack my brain and dry up until the last bit of my brain juice.
BUT, my powerpoint presentation is still half-way hanging.
HELP ME. My presentation will be on this coming monday.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. -_-

2008-08-03T02:06:00.002+08:00

Industrial Attachment is ending soon.
Eyyy... In 2 weeks time?
I am so over the rainbow now.
Cause I have been working real hard.
Mon to Fri with attachment and reports. Plus tutoring on two weekday nights.
Not forgetting, part time barista on weekends.
That explains why I seldom update this blog.
Hope all understood me (:
My two months hols will be packed with relief teaching, tutoring and marking papers.
I really want to be a teacher that bad. HAHA.
So, at least relief teaching is something I can do to decide if I'm mentally fit to be one.
Cause teachers are stressed people you know. haha.
Oh but the thought of it is making me sooooo egg-cited! HAH

Pol-Ite is over soon.
Thanks to all the strong players, NYP is leading.
Left the last match with ITE.

Sweetheart is finally going to be back from Brunei.
Though it's only 16 days he's away,
I missed this boy so much.
Can't wait to see how much weight you have lost from the survivor course camp dude. HAHA.
Bet I can lift him up with just one hand man haha.
I shall feed you with all the high in fats content food so that you will be 10 kg heavier than me.
LOL.

Come back soon dear (:

2008-06-13T20:47:00.002+08:00

I don't blame others if they had already deleted my link from their page.
This blog is rotting.
Wait, it it not rotting. But, it is already rotten on the first place.
My school and work commitments had left me not even enough time to spare.
CPTC is over. Attachment will be over by 18 August.
Oh boy, I can't wait.
The people there are so unpredictable.
Different people from different walk of lifes.
They even have the potential to throw beakers and tantrums out of the blue.
It's super stressful to work with this kind of humans ya know.

Pictures sometimes speaks more than words itself.

From these pictures, you can say that we are still very much in love with each other.
Just like the brand new love three years ago.
Time flies so fast man.
Three years? wow.
I just want to settle down with this man and no one else!
I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you dear! (:

2008-04-02T00:06:00.002+08:00

Go on boy.
Do whatever you want.
Dump me.
Make me cry.
Make me bleed.
Because, I don't care anymore.
You have cross over the line.
So now, I am giving up.
I'm too tired to carry the heartache under my arm.
I am sorry. I am moving on.
Goodbye Alfian.

2008-03-26T00:04:00.003+08:00

Alhamdullilah.
I made it.
I passed all the modules and get myself a place for attachment which will start on 14 April.
Life has been really hectic for me now.
Undergoing training until 10 April.
Next Wednesday is going to be my 12 hour shift before I graduate from cptc.
8am to 8pm, 8pm to 8am. WOAH.
Sat & Sun I have to give tuition and work.

And I miss my Salma baby very badly.
All the ups and downs we've been through together for years in poly.
You are one of the reason I stayed up and pull through in this course.
Without you beside me, I only sees poly life as bleak and mundane.
And without you, I just want to graduate from nyp as soon as possible!
Since that incident, I have changed a lot.
I just wish that she hasn't climbed up the column and I just wish that I could grab her hands if i ever know she would fell.
We were seperated by an incident which I believe Allah has put us on test.
Pls treasure your friends before anything happens cause I just lost one precious gem...

2008-03-03T23:17:00.002+08:00

It's been four days since my last final paper ends.
And I thought, there's a week break before I actually have to attend my cptc six weeks training. But, it was just a dream which never came true.
Right after the final paper, we had to head back to school on thurs and fri for some lame n.e project.
Followed by cptc training which started like TODAY. and it's only going to end at 10th April.
And right after the training, I will have my full four month attachment, WITHOUT any break.
LIKE HELLLLLLLOOOOO? Are we robots?
And I can feel how dreadful it is for most of my friends, having to travel from as far as Tampines to Jurong Island. HELL YEAH, i've been through that.
In fact, i've been travelling all the way from jurong extension to yck for like two years? sigh.

AND AND AND..
This whole "Mas Selamat the Singapore's most wanted terrorist" issue is making my heart race and my blood boils.
That man is making a lot of people suffer and that includes ME.
I have not been making any connection with him in terms of verbal or by text messages for like... FIVE days since he's missing?
My bf is fcccccccuuuukinnnngggg busy with his overly ambitious quest in tracking that jerk and has no time for me. And I have not met him since chinese new year.
I understand his job scope. BUT, I am human too alright.
For some GODDAMN reason, why does that Mas Selamat has to escape?! WHAT?!
Isn't there enough food at the detention centre? HELLLLLLLL ROAAARRRRRR!
AND why does Mr. Wong Kan Seng announce to the public only after four hours since he escaped?
Oh man. FOUR HOURS?! A lot of things might have happend.
And a public saw Mas Selamat 30 mins after he escaped, but did not report it to the higher authorities as he doesn't know anything about this whole mas selamat glam issue.
If only he have known earlier, that wanted man might have been caught red-handed. SIGH.
And who the hell does that Mas Selamat thinks he are?
Violation in the name of Islam?
Die in the name of Jihad?
These are some of the black sheeps which lower the whole reputition of our religion yang maha suci. Subhannalah.
Islam has never taught us to kill other people by attempting suicide bombing or plane crashing at changi airport. sigh.

So, for the mean time, I can't contact my loverboy until this case is at ease. SIGH.
Now, I might start brainstorming, how I can burn my weekends and at the same time, have fun.

My entry sound so political and dreadful.
Maybe, to add some sunshine :)
Seoul Garden was w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l.
And all the food there make my eyes glare. But, it was so sinful. ahha.
Ok, to make it appear less sinful, I shall say, it's a reward for the effort I've put in the final year exam. ahha.

And last Saturday was my cousin's wedding.
When I looked at this pictures, it reminds me of how fast my brother and sister has grown. ahha.

2008-02-26T23:20:00.003+08:00

Sigh.
Sometimes, I just ever wondered,
How come my dad is not like other people's dad?
I just wished that God have made me belong from a more matured and educated dad.
It's not that I'm looking down on him or whatsoever.
But, i realised, those dad who are more well-educated, know how to apprehand their teenagers better. They tend to understand more.
And this is so obvious in my mother's side.
I can see that majority of my cousins are well-knitted with their own parents.
Frankly speaking, it's not that i hate my dad.
But, I HATE the way he brought me up. He's a total jerk in that.
As a ketua keluarga secara Islam, I thinked he failed.
I will cry if i this thought come tickling in the end of my brain.
I despise the way he tries to correct his children.
If it isn't physically disturbed, then it would be mentally or emotionally.
My closest freind knew this. She even saw me getting bashed up in my room when my friends were just in the living room.
And I can still vividly recollect the moment that I was forced to drink the zam-zam water just to prove to him that I'm not lying.
It's ridiculous and heart-throbbing to see my own dad believes his own friend rather than his own blood.
& of course, I just drank everything up anyway. I'm not scared cause I'm not lying.
And he even cursed me to die with my stomach burst after I drank everything up.
See, which dad will curse their children till that extreme? Masyallah...nauzubillah.
Sigh. I'm really sick of this already.
Leaving in darkness and in a world full of lies.
Now I really don't care what people think about me.
Friends come and go.
Boyfriend can make me go suicidal in certain period.
Parents can make me go insane in any spur of a moment.
All I rely on is Allah.
Dear Allah, you're the only way I can regain myself.
I swear to myself, I will never repeat his mistake and I will try my best to be a good parent to my child in future.
Insyallah.

Btw, I'm sorry if this entry is a lil too personal.
But, I can't help it.
I have to let everything out.
Sigh.

2008-02-13T01:12:00.000+08:00

Helo everyone.
I've decided to lose more weight.
Perharps, another 10 to 15kg more.
So, I'm back to the old diet.
I know I can do it.
It's all about mind over body people.
I will lose until my size drops to this:

:) Wish me luck okey. Amin.

2008-02-08T23:53:00.000+08:00

Pit's at east coast with sweetheart family was fun.
But still, my backbone hurts from laying flat on the groud sheet for three hours, just to find out how lucky i am to choose that spot which appears to be some rock!
Foods are more than enough. Till it lasted the next day.
I envy how closely smittened the bond shared between his family and relatives.
It's so unlike mine which meets only like once a year?
They talk anything under the sun and talks to someone older than them like a friend.
Unlike mine, which I find quite restrictable to talk about everything or anything.
I've saw all his relatives and really feel part of his already.
They made me so welcome and even foresee me as mama ita's child.
Ok I call both his parents mama and papa.
But, he have no inkling idea that the person beside him in the train might be my cousin or relative.
You see, everything is so totally opposite.
Em, for now, as long as my parents accepted him with open arms, it's already syukur alhamdullilah.

2008-01-30T22:56:00.000+08:00

Alhamdullilah.
The Semestral Project presentation went on smoothly without any technical hindrance.
Just that, midmost of my presentation, I get the jitters and I can feel my tummy doing somersaults.
But, I can feel that my voice was storming the whole lecture theatre. I was LOUD.
And I wish it's taken as a credit. heeee.
Just after completing the whole semestral project, I realise that the whole yada yada on patent was quite fascinating and political debates between intellectuals will never end.
It's really up to ones perspective to give up or not to give up patent.
Oh boy. I'm good in this patent issue already. LOL.

So, this is the full strength in my class. the one with a blue lanyard is my module lecturer.

and the girls...

not forgetting, the boys...

pardon me if they acted like escaped monkeys ok. heeeeee.

and the closeup of Daniel Ang Jing Ming who wished to do nose job and be a model one day...

and the bridge liked structure we pretend to be...

and the "Oh honey look! I'm jumping!"

and the caught in act chun sen...

and the formal us [:

Oh and it's too good to be true.
Mr Allen Liew, our mentor's idea hit my head real hard.
He treated us for lunch, setting a limit of maximum $5.50 per person.
Ok. Maybe he's not so bad afterall. haha.

2008-01-27T14:38:00.000+08:00

Sentosa was f-f-u-u-n-n.
It greatly helps me feel away from the school load stress a while.
At least a while is better than never (:

Trip to sentosa with sweetheart, pye and wati was a spledid one.
Pye which is sweetheart's platoon mate was a hillarious chap.
And his gf, wati is a nice person too.
Though I just known her for a day, we talked like we known for long.
Soaking in the sun and enjoying the feeling of getting soaked in the cold seawater was such an antidote man.
Oh and I was extremely disguested with big man with huge belly hidden under very small brief.
What in the world are they thinking? yucks.
Oh and you dont't have to look sexy to be the sexiest woman on earth.
For me, just as you feel sexy and got the brains with that appealing looks, you are already sexy.
It's the inner which is important.
Cleavages are never a factor to look sexy.
And when guys saw cleavages on you and they want you,
you should know what they want.
Why not being wanted for the inner sexiness in you, rather than the outher sexiness in you?
Cause, that outer sexiness in you will not last my dears.
Sorry if anyone feels offended by this.
I'm just speaking my mind off cause, nowadays I have been seeing too many cleavages revealed freely.
What has the world turn to heh? Some free obscene living coming strips? idk.

So, after the beach therepy, went for the luge and skyride
where sweetheart dropped his flip flops and luckily retrieving it back.
And went camwhoring in the beautiful imbiah lookout.
But some parts were out of bound from entering. Thus, restricting out camwhoring session. hee.
Went dinner at vivo together later and after that, both partners waved goodbye.

So, sweetheart followed me to orchard to find mother a bag.
Yesterday was my dearest beloved mother's birthday.

Oh and yey.
I'm going attachment soon, very very soon.
I want to be out from that school so badly now!
FAST FORWARD pls.

random pickings:

2008-01-21T02:47:00.000+08:00

hockey training conducted few days was okok lah.
Just that, I will asked the person in charge or whoever it may concern,
if by right is the training actually for the national players or for us.
If it's for them, I might think twice attending it.
Attending it will just make me feel left out again just like that day.
So, no point attending it if all the focus are on them.

As usual, school has never fail to drive me crazy.
As time passes, sch work and stuff are really making me nuts i tell you.
I suffered major time constraint that I have to try hard to steal each and every second of my time that I'm left with to meet sweetheart.
As you know. I have to work at cafe, attend school, teach as a tutor, attend cca, do reports and assignments and not forgetting, study for exams. Supergirl or what heh?
People say I'm crazy. lol. yes, I am.
And bloody eoy exams are drawing bloody near. Terrified, I am.
I have not yet even started doing my revisions. Yet, I still volunteered to work during cny eve and cny itself, which was just two days before my exam.
Now, that's what you call crazy. lol.
Thus, an early revision is in the top list currently.

Everything run on smoothly on Sunday.
Enjoying the evening breeze together at east coast is heaven on earth.
Sweetheart with family and Iffah is now my temperory drug for my stressful lifestyle.
With Iffah around, everything feels so beautiful and cheeful.
No wonder all married couples long for children after marriage.
It really add colours to your dull mundane life.
So, after east coast, went to parkway for lunch.
Followed by far east since I wanted to find formal top for my presentation.
I look like I'm wearing sumo oversize shirt if I wore my old one. haha.
Then headed to abah house and had fun playing with syeza and sarah.
I can consider being a childcare teacher man. lol.
I'm really good in tolerating children craps and nonsence (:

I want to get married
and have three children.
Oh thats so random. lol

iffah sgt cute kan.

lagi cute.

They are my golf coaches.

us.

Oh before I forget!
*beam with joy*
See the boons side of my blog.
Haizad imran. Saw that?
It's been there since this blog had it's first entry.
OMG. Experiencing major adranaline rush already.
*screams*
My jaw almost drop and my heart skip a beat when I saw that guy right behind me.
*screams again*
OMG again.
He's a damn hot hunk, I tell you.
In fact, he looks even better outside.
A friend of mine told me that he's taking up advance diploma in nursing in nyp.
OMG again and again.
Look with wits is what I call HOT uh. lol.
Ok enough. My bf will eat me alive if he saw this. lmao.

lab report is bitch.
okbyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

2008-01-13T17:51:00.000+08:00

See this:

and this

Ok. So these proves that I've given him an extra extra extra chance.
Not out of symphaty or watsoever.
It's just because I still love and care for him.
But, obviously, after what he did to me, my feelings for him might have deteriorate a little.
In fact, any girls might have just dumped him for all those sins committed.
Lucky Salma, Suren, Hanisah and Lipen was there for me when I'm on my worst state ever.
My eyes are blind and my ears are shut now.

And the last time I saw sweetheart was last Sunday, the day we patched things up and starts everything afresh.
He doesn't even know when he's able to see me.
Reason because he have to instruct those new recruits entering NS in Tekong.
And its for 6 pathetic months!
Oh boy. Though I'm still a little bit mad with him, no doubt that I am going to miss that loverboy.

School drives me mundane.
I am going to work xtra hard for the coming end of yr though i've passed all modules.
Can't be too complacent yah.

Okbye people.

2008-01-08T01:41:00.000+08:00

I HATE YOU FUCKER!

2008-01-04T21:28:00.000+08:00

I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU.
Read between the lines.
It's still I HATE YOU.
UNDERSTAND?!
You're the worse nightmare which had entered my life,
painted pretty colours and poured sweet nothings to me.
Later, pricked my heart with the sharpest thorn you had.
Just kill me than doing this to me.
You better make up for everything that you had done or we are over.

Alhamdullilah.
I passed all te six modules I sat for common test.
I thought I would failed two of the killer papers that would be a barrier for me to go for attachment.
But alhamdullilah, I passed.
I am really contented.
Syukur Alhamdullilah.

2008-01-02T00:10:00.000+08:00

In the spur of a moment, suddenly,
I had the strongest abhorrence towards one of my top devotion,
Dino Alfian.
The dissolution was just way too abrupt.
But frankly speaking, it hasn't end. Just that, it's hanging in midair.
When people asked "How are you and your bf?"
My definitive answer would be "Ok lah. Fights are normal" or even a more disdainful answer "Don't ever ask".
You see, we fought way too much and I am so getting sick over heels with it.
It's only the start of a new year and we had another toungue clash.
Thinking of it only are already enough to make me all run down.
I will just keep on praying that things will be better.
Insyallah.

2007-12-30T02:08:00.000+08:00

Emmmm.
My life are busier than the bustling bee.
It revolves around a globe consisting of only work, assignments and very little time for fun.
I've even neglected people who were somehow each and other way connected to me such as comrades and my bloods.
I've been sleeping at 4am each night trying to finish all the holiday reports which to be handed in when school reopens.
Hellllllllll dgn holidays. It was never really a holiday afterall.
I am sorry Sirin for not be able to attend your birthday party or accompanying you for the swimming trip.
And I am sorry Ayn and hidayu and Shaf for not having the time to go out with you as promised ):
I really missed secondary school life where life are more carefree.
But life goes on. And that's the reality.

Kayso, I will roughly summarised what fun i get to indulged myself to during this pathetic two weeks holidays.
Last two week, went star gazing with sweetheart.
I just adored the tiny stars painted neatly on the velvet night sky.
I just feel like flying above and reach my hands to grab any stars. It feels so magical.

And the next day went vivo with sweetheart just to find myself quaralleling with him and making scene in the middle of the strangers.
Abashed, I summed up courage to just leave that place when I feel that everyone were giving us the unwanted attention.
Oh but after some time, everything turned norm.
Sometimes I just feel that fights in a relationship are stupid.
And sometimes they were just way too redundant.
Had dinner together with his family and Kak Aida's family at Lau Pa Sat.
And kita sempat pose masa tgh mkn (:

Dan masa waiting for the green man:

Dan juga masa I don't care and leaving him shock sendiri :D :

I would like to take this oppurtunity to congratulate my dear once a soccer enthusiast chum but now a full-time working man for being engaged to his gorgeous hubby, Roz (:
Alhamdullilah everything went on smoothly for both of you.
May Allah bless both of you with all His greatest blessings okey.

Oh I can sense that Che's actually had the adranaline rushed upon posing in front of many humans. Hope he won't faint masa akad nikah nanti. LOL

And a few days ago, my class organized a bbq.
As usual, though it's suppose to be a class thingy, not everyone turned up.
Some expected pissing offs occurance and I'm really used to it already.
Alahhhhh you know.
There will be a bunch of enthusiasts fanning like mad just to start some fire the rest will only giving support by eye-power.
BUT, instead of eye power that they may had given me, they stayed up in the room watching tv.
Tak ke sakit hati tuh?
Expect people to call ckp "Hello food is ready. Come out and eat".
-_____________-
Aku sepak muka satu-satu baru tau.
I'm not going to name people out here.

Jadi, aku snaplah gambar Shahfiq sedang mengipas dgn sepenuh jiwa dan raganya lol:

I also tolong ok.
But tak ambik gambar lah. HAHA.
Oh and Suren taught us some strategy to start up a fire fast which at first I taught was a bit stupid.
But, it turned out to be something intelligent.
Fooooooooooooooood. emmmm food glorious foooooooooooooooooooooood.
The food was really sastifying. Worth the ten bucks i've payed.
Apart from this, I enjoyed myself.
We had pillow fights too!

At least i get to put myself away from assignments for a while heh (:
Ok some random pictures to feast your eyes on HAHA.

And I am reallllllllllllllllllly reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllly addicted with this novel, "Childhood Interrupted" by Kathleen O'Malley.

I read it in the bus.
I read it in the train.
I read it during commercial breaks.
I read it before sleep.
I read it while having break from work.
I am particularly reading it whenever I had the oppurtunity lah. haha.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Sch are opening real soon.
Time! Pause Pls! urgh.

2007-12-20T18:10:00.000+08:00

assalamualaikum.
Firstly, I would like to start off this entry,
wishing all muslims no matter where you are,
a Selamat Hari Raya EidulAdha.
Unlike the few years where my maternal grandmum is still around,
I'm stuck at my own crib doing lab reports.
I am feeling so dreadful now .
Em nvm.
Solatul EidulAdha was overwhelming this morning till they had to make two rounds.
It was held under a void deck you see. Thus, you could visualize how limited the space provided.
Maybe, HDB could consider building a mosque in my area to accommodate the Muslim population in this area.

I've been very very lazy during this holiday preiod.
The very i mean is like verrrrrrrryyyy verrrrrrrrryyyy lazy ok. lol.
Been procrastinating all my pending lab reports, projects and presentation slides.
School holidays are suppose to be HOLIDAYS right?
Where you can rest, relex. enjoy and far from school work which drives you crazy.
I define holidays here as days given to you to complete assignments and studying to upgrade your knowledge.
So, apart from lazing around, I did something more meaningful.
I took out the skretch book which was collecting dust, a set of sketching pencils and started to sketch.
It's been long since I last did sketching. haha.

So, I drew my brothers,

and my sister

HAHA.

Oh and i did mention about playing heli with sweetheart yesterday.
I did. But instead of seeing it soar high, I was observing the plane accelerates downward and hit the ground hard.
To make it worse, it drops inside a school. Thus, sweetheart had to climb over the fence to get it. lol.
And he's such a gundu laaaaaaaaa.
When I read the package of the heli,
it wrote " INDOOR " Heli! wth.
No wonder it was so destroyed then. hahaha.
And at night he came over to my place cause he had a craving for chicken rendang. But his mum didn't made that.
So mum asked him to come over for dinner and he did.
Yesterday was fun.
I hope it never ends. heeee

oh and....

lobang hidungmu tetap menjadi pujaan hatiku no matter how enlarge or shrunk it becomes. LOL

2007-12-17T16:12:00.000+08:00

I am now as happy as a 5 year old kid given a lollipop.
Exams are finally over. Four common tests papers are brain-killing enough.
I had not touched the computer, shopping, working, watch teevee or did anything fun for two weeks or so.
The only thing I did was to study till the next morning, waking up and forcing myself to study again. And it goes on till the final paper ends.
And I can't recalled how many times I ate for that one whole week cause I hardly had anything.
All I had was a breakfast in the morning and nothing for the whole day.
Seriously, I lost my appetite during exams period. And now, I weigh a 2kg lesser.
I hardly had a 4 hours sleep till my eyes look sore and my face turns pale.
Such a far cry from the daily me lah.
So, when given this two weeks break, I will make sure I really spent each and every moment doing things I missed alot!
Apart from the piling lab reports and a presentation to be done as a holiday assignment laaaa. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

So, the day after the final paper,
went out with my all-time fav bitching partner, tantan.
we shopped, camwhored, dined, and most importantly,
we had so much fun together.
oh and we had fish and co. for dinner at bugis.
we're kinda pissed off with the service that they offered.
And tantan was like, " hahhhhh, service tak bagus pon service charge $3". hahaha.
Like it or not, we still have to pay for the service charge.

And you saw this guy beside tantan below?

Ok. He pissed me off too. There was exactly three empty seat in front of me.
Tantan took the first one and there's another two right.
So, he's rushed and called his name which I barely recalled.
And he rushed to sit beside his friend being after sawing me intended to accomodate that vacant seat.

And yesterday, met sweetheart after such a long period of time due to exams.
He commented that I look skinnier compared to the time he met me before exams.
Told you that I only had breakfast for a week or so.
And so sweet of him to give me a hundred dollars out of the sum of money he had for bonus and bought me an adidas windbreaker lol.
And my jaw drops when I saw the receipt he showed me after spending at topshop.
It mounted to an amount of RM450+++. -___________-
It's twice a month of my part-time salary lah.
And that total of money he indulged in was excluding some unnecessary goods.
Ok nvm. that's his money.
K so, we had swensens at airport and did some window shopping.
Intentionally, I was looking for Izrada and compass point.
But it was to no avail. haha.
Oh and I'm so looking forward to this weds.
We're going to play helicopter in the open field together! YEY.
It sounds fun and I know it will be fun :D
I will just pray for the weather to turn out well.
Yahhhh, you know, it's been raining elephants and tigers for this whole Dec month.

xoxo,
umairah

2007-11-27T12:00:00.000+08:00

I apologized for the speed this blog is running. lol.
The thought of updating it is getting more and more apathetic.
Piling lab reports, tutorial assignments and the never ending class tests are making me so mentally fatigue.
Hey wait. Have I always been complaining about this?
Oh well :)
And to all my dearest homo sapiens,
I apologized again for not being able to add live to this blog with the presence of photos.
Reason being it that my cousin borrowed it from me for a couple of weeks for her hong kong trip.
Cousin, you better bring me back something ok? lol

Oh and my face is such an appalling view.
I get sunburn on my face. HELP PLS!!!!!!!!!!!!
The day after the wooden shoe game,
I felt a burning sensation on my face. Just to know that the next day, I was strike with bad sunburnt.
Mr. Sun hasn't been kind to us during the game. I swear the sun was scorching hot. I can feel the heat penetrates through my skin down under my meat and biting it all over.
Eventhough we lose, I still glorify the experience i had there.

People say, fights are really normal in a relationship.
If you don't fight, then something is wrong.
Fights somehow made both both parties more smittened.
BUT when you fight TOO much,
Obviously something is very very veryyyyyy wrong.
And it happens to me.
The words " I need a breakup," is dwelling inside me and rebelling to be divulged.
But, I'm lucky that I've locked it in a safe cage and threw away the key in the nearby sea.
Why sacrifice away all the good times we had when bad times appears right? After a year and six months going through the thick and thins together, surviving like a grasshopper in a cold, I want to quit.
No, I can't.
And alhamdullilah. Things are getting better now after both of us compromised and talk it over. I really hope this is forever and not temporary.

xoxo
umairah

2007-11-11T02:48:00.000+08:00

Have you ever feel that for all this while,
you had actually made a wrong choice?
But, when that guilt came touching you as you made eye contact with him,
you're like hypnotized and everything turns perfect though it wasn't.
You pretend and told yourself that his banes were actually boons.
It's like a cycle.
You fought and keeps on complaining to your comrades that he's a whore ruining your life.
Yet, you keep on giving chances after chances,
Tolerating everything he did which will just tear off your heart leaving it to bleed.
Now that once a 75 kg girl has heard everything.
And confusion occupied her inside.
Hopefully, Allah will show her the right path and not another stupid mistake.
Guys will always be guys.
But, that girl still have to live no matter what happens.

2007-10-24T16:59:00.000+08:00

It's been a week since Ramadhan.
I miss it.
First day of lebaran were two thumbs up. Cousins gathered together and shared the bond. Personally, I met my cousins only once a year. Pathetic, it is.
Third and the rest was celebrated with sweetheart's family. Though there's still no string attached between us, I already felt like I belong to their family. They treat me like one. They regard me like one. & I even call sweetheart's mum, mama.
& one of the days were celebrated with the hockey mates. I left halfway though. haha.
Very soon, Syawal will leave us behind.
And we will never know if we get to meet the upcoming month of forgivings next year. Insyallah.

& School has been really an asshole.
Bleak and mundane lectures.
And I still have to make eye contact with that bitch in my class.
And I think she still sucks like a bitch.
And after me and Salma has been going on with life without her,
She struggles to make connection with my other classmates whom in the past, she ditched and calling names.
She's always been pretending to do nice things to people just to make used of him/her.
& one of the victim has always been me.
I've had enough of this nonsence and I'm not your punching bag or free slave anymore.
Only me and Salma knows what kind of friend she is and how bitchy and mean she could be.
Two years is already more than enough and we don't wish to suffer any further.
Maybe someday, I could publish her picture here and tell everyone what kind of human she can be.
Even animals behaves better than her.
ok enough.
I don't wish to spoil my mood now.

at alif's place

blooming roses yuh? :P

don't ask me what's wrong with fid lol

Happy humanoids

Shes FCUKING cute. Agree?

Only two yet poses like ten

Ahhhhhh. Cute.

CUTE. lol

& most importantly, raya will never be the same without...

HIM

2007-10-11T00:48:00.000+08:00

I don't know what I should do.
Oh tuhan, this is so depressing.
I'm in the state of confusion.
Stuck in between lines, leaving my tongue too numb to speak.
I doubt I'm strong enough to let those words slip off from the tip of my tongue.
Caught. Caught again with decisions making.
Oh how I hate it very much.
The episodes I have to faced after letting everything go is what I'm suppose to be worried about.
My Oh My. gasp.

2007-10-10T01:29:00.000+08:00

Went shopping with my second family last week.
But Geylang wasn't our option like many.
It's really conjested with human traffics.
If I don't find the necessity to go there, then I won't.
Hit Peninsular to get Daniel's his skinny and shoe.
I wonder why are coloured skinnies now a forte to many trendy wankers here heh? tsk.

They are like my parents already. heee.

The recently NYAA ceremony was held in NYP.
It was super bleak and mundane.
All I do there was sit and rot.
I can see the watery eyes of Hazlin complaining she's sleepy,
Fit was macam cacing kepanasan,
Sirin was busily playing the cooking watsoever game
& Joan was already asleep on her seat.
Yes, that's how lame this kind of formal ceremony could be. bleahh.
After that, the guys wanted to check out their jersy and it took them like forever to choose the right one. lol.
Went to broke fast together later.
& I did enjoy myself the whole day. [:

It's a formal event, yet I'm wearing flipflops.

MUNDANE.

In the auditorium.

The President.

They always do this when they get bored. lol

Fit's stuck in between balls. lol

2007-10-03T00:32:00.000+08:00

Updating blogs has been a hassle for me lately.
But fortnightly won't kill i guess. heeeee.
Alhamdullilah. It's already 20 days my muslims has fast.
& Lailatul Qadar I won't miss this year.
Terawih has been an on and off thingy for me this year due to work, trainings and etc.
Time flies. But I hope there's a pause in the middle.
And this major virus has been annoying me for weeks.
Tried so many ways removing it off from my computer but to no avail.
It's a zipfile entitled image36.zip. I deleted it and emptied my recycle bin already though!
BUT IT JUST WON'T GET OUT!
Any recommendations on FREE virus remover anyone? -_- PUHLESEEEE. I'm desperate now.
& I think I woke up from the wrong side of bed again today.
In an instant, the idea of giving my hair some panaromic curls strikes back. But, I can feel the reluctance of doing so.
Sweetheart's cousin told me of a place which does perming for only $25.
Tapi aku takut pulak rambut aku jadi kerinting bastard. mampos seh.
Worst raya hair disaster man. -_-

You see you see! Like the one Lindsay Lohan has! GORGEOUS!What curls is it call? any idea anyone? HAHA.

2007-09-20T16:57:00.000+08:00

My sincere apologies for the late update.
KL trip was fun & I enjoyed every moment of it except for some incident which people didn't realise which actually has made me pissed off. I have a fragile heart which easily gets saddened and hurt. yahh, so you all can now booo me pls.

The first day starts off in Malacca. After checking in to our rooms, we get a barely 40minutes rest and sets off for our first friendly match. The score wasn't so bad though we lost. haha. But, I envy the team spirit that was reflected in the game. Dine in at secret's recipe just to find my fish fillet was overcooked and the skin was hard to chew. -_-

Before setting off to Malacca

Smile Girls.

Some happy humanoids

Pose for the camera

Lin,me & sirin

In Malacca before game

When coach talks, you LISTEN.

DINNER

Second day was kickstart with a heavy breakfast and sets off to Kuala Lumpur. Played keeper as there's no keeper for the team. & you guess it. I've made a mess out of it and leave some people pissed off with me. Even if they say they arn't, I can see the displeasures painted neatly on their faces. Well, I won't bitch behind them as that was the first time I played keeper for the team which I'm not even qualified for. Night was a shopping spree at petaling's. Bought tees for my siblings and adik Daniel, a bag for sweetheart and sister, scarfs and clothes for mum and mama ita, and some a RM9 bag for myself. haha.

Game in University Melaya(KL)

Ok that's me. Now LAUGH.

Forget about the tiredness. NOW SMILE!

KL

Last day of the trip was spent on Central Market and KLCC which I found very Singapura. All the stuff there was expensive and the topshop was even costly compared to Singapore price. Then, home sweet home. Mama ita, papa and sweetheart fetched me from school so it wasn't so dreadful ya. Plus I'm so exhausted from the long ride in the bus. heh.

thorn among roses. lol

KLCC

See how eager they were.

BESTEST roommate

Outside the hockey shop.

The Boys

I find this picture sizzling LOL

Sweetness

Thanks all for making the trip an enjoyable one for me [:
CHEERS.

2007-09-07T22:52:00.000+08:00

Woah. It's a relieve since mum and dad had came home from their trip.
I just really don't enjoy being a nanny.
Juggling jobs with housework plus you have to cook. BAHHH. It's just so exhausting.
Oh & I don't know what's got into me. Spending money like nobody's business. After the job interview, hit Bugis after the urge of endulging myself is overpowering my mind. Bumped to Diyanah and I LOVE her hair very much (:
Bought a brown skinny, a blue top from dorothy, and a belt which I found is quite worth the price. heee.
Going to KL this Monday until Wednesday for the Hockey thingy and I'm so looking forward to it. heeeee.

2007-09-06T01:38:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday, finally met up with sweetheart after two weeks of non-contact inclusive verbal communication except via sms. Felt blissed.
But, he's down with diarrhoea. Thus, it somehow tumbles our plan a little. But, I'm still contented [:
So, in the beginning, we intented to watch the cartoon Ratatouille. But, just by looking at the queue was devastating enough and tickets for that movie left only with first and second front rows. I am not going to strain my neck and later went home with an aching joint. heh.
So, we watched...

HAIRSPRAY instead :) & i enjoyed it very much. heeeeee.

Then, went dinner at orchard far east. I think, I am so regular there until the uncle can recognise my face. tsk. And had dessert at Gelare...

Since I really missed the waffle. ahha.

& met up with sweetheart's parents and went to mustapha at 11pm. haha.
I have no idea why i'm there for. lol.
But, they have a good bargain in certain products. & girls, if you ever go there at night, pls dont wear revealing tops offering cleavages as sight-seeing. HOHO. you should get me [:

Okeh, we only took three photos together in total.
Maybe, taking photos is just not our forte anymore. haha.

& I had adrenaline rush as and when, my eyes caught sight of...

ZAC EFRON!

Ahhhhhhhhhh. I'm having hysteria already. lol. zac zac zac zacccc. [:

okehbye jupjups.

2007-08-30T01:28:00.000+08:00

YEYNESS

I can finally blows goodbye to the exam blues and the two hours of sleep I suffered during the exam period. Now, I've got dark circles under my eyes.
The first paper which I took near two weeks to study was average.
The second was disasterous.
The last paper which was today, was unexpected.
Okeh, it's not worth the regrets already since it's all over and theres no way I can turn back time. So, will just wait for the result. Meanwhile, I shall now enjoy the holidays. Okeh, maybe I shall change that statement. I shall earn more money during the holidays. That's the only time where I am free from projects and lab reports.

So, right after the last paper today, went for a movie with dear Salma. We watched the indonesian horror movie, suster ngoset. Salma was so scared that the nachos she was holding flew off from her lap and landed on the floor. Luckily, I am quick enough to react or else, I would have nachos with melted cheese on my feet. lol. And some part of the movie made me laughed but leaves Salma shouting. HAHA.

Had chicken rice for lunch and that bf of Salma spoilt the plan. So, instead of going to bugis with me, Salma met up with her bf. And we spent some time trying to locate esclipse where he was waiting. Ending us up in touring the whole level for more than two times.

mama, see how much we've grown.

& she always has those dazy eyes when taking photos

Oh, and I feel so lucky baby. That, I've got to catch the eclipse of the moon live directly from my window. It's so gorgeous that I feel like I am in a fairytale. HAHA okeh lame. And how stupid can I be to think that planet Mars was near to moon thus, I'm able to see the red edge on the moon. How the hell can I derive from such conclucion heh. LOL. But, the next time that you're able to catch this natural phenomenon is in the year of 2025.

nice right?

And it's already been two weeks since I last saw or talked over the phone with sweetheart. I was too busy with exams and he was busy with the intensive training with the commandos. I swear I am missing him terribly till I cried myself to sleep. Nvm, I will wait till Saturday! [[:

Dearest sweetheart sugar rush[: love you.

sincerely,
umairah

2007-08-27T17:20:00.000+08:00

Will be back blogging after exams.

Exams heat is killing me.

Both mentally and physically.

HIATUS.

2007-07-29T12:07:00.000+08:00

NDP '07 was splendid.
with restricted number of crowd this year. Thus, that doesn't cause so much of a human jam.
the well-equipped and up to date aircrafts, jets, coast boats and other sea/land vehicles really opened my mind of how vital the meaning of defence signifies to the singapore govt.
you must be blissed to be in here and not some other countries which faces random natural disasters and political issues.
You wouldn't want to wake up the next morning to find out a grenade has been planted next to your pillow.
When night falls, the stadium was filled with joyful lights from the flapping torches. [:
the night performance is base on the element fire, earth, sky and water.
the night sky was painted with spectacular laser show as the background.
& the fireworks was gorgeous.
in fact, i think this year ndp was short.
excluding the stimulated cabinets, mp's and president that will be.
&amp;amp;amp;amp;&&& I like the funpack lah especially the contents. HAHA.
Overall rating will be a 9 out of 10.

brother and me.

brother semangat Singapore lehh.

no idea what are they. Chicken? dinosaur?

SMILE[:

Me.

Dim Sum Dollies. One is disgusting alright.

NDP 07 hosts.

NDP 07

showcasting the bhangra dancers.

behind are laser bubbles.

in conjunction of NS 40

those gigantic air balloon lights at night.

this thing is actually on top of the seawater.

much love,
umairah

2007-07-25T00:12:00.000+08:00

yeyyy yeyyyy.
Olympus finally message.
I can collect my digicam back! wooooo [:
Seeing posts with photos makes me go JEALOUSY. LOL.
Photos adds beauty to all the words.

2007-07-18T20:27:00.001+08:00

Wanted to go for the tahlil today.
But, it started way early than i thought & yet, I am clueless.
So, went back home since I didn't bring any stuffs for hockey training today.
Planned to jog around noon.
But, it was backfired pasal aku tido mcm ba qua slices.
& hell yeyyyyyy!
Suddenly aku feel mcm hyper gitu seh.
Dengan pantasnya, aku mencapai pisau lalu memotong bawang besar dan memasak roti telur goreng sumbat sardine.
Aku feel mcm superwoman pulak seh semasa aku memotong bawang tu.
Kerana, aku tidak menitiskan sembarang air mata pon ketika memotongnyer. Disebabkan, aku memakai googles adik aku.
So, eyes protection lar horrrrr.
Okeh, got many reports waiting for me atas katil.
Goodbye chikuneneh [:

2007-07-12T23:21:00.000+08:00

Seriously,
sometimes, army can be quite a pain in the ***.
Are they retards or what?
I know luh Singapore put its top priority on the country defense.
BUT, like wth?
I think it's really inhuman to call the whole company for a sudden activation near 12am, when those people just get to booked out at 8.30pm the same day called for activation.
& I am not even allowed to call sweetheart for that one whole day.
DUH.
Don't tell me soldiers doesn's have to know the meaning of EXHAUSTION.
Defense might be important. BUT, the well-being of the soldiers are much more vital.

GO FIGURE!

2007-07-12T00:17:00.000+08:00

Aku rasa seperti sehelai daun kering di ranting yang rapuh dek tidak disirami air oleh tuannya.
Naluriku meronta. Badanku berontak. Namun, diriku sepi.
Diam, tanpa seribu bahasa.
Aku gugup. Aku gamam.
Tetapi, apa yang boleh ku buat?
Aku hanyalah sehelai daun kering yang hanya menuggu masa untuk si sang bayu meniup. Lalu, aku akan tumpas juga akhirnya ke atas tangannya. Siapalah aku untuk melawan suratan takdir?
Hamba mu ini sudah letih. Amat letih dengan putaran masa yang tidak henti seperti roda.Adakah ini kehidupan yang aku impikan? Adakah ini kehidupan yang harus aku lalui? Tetapi sampai bila?
Biarkanlah darah muda yang mengalir ini memberontak supaya dibebaskan daripada lilitan kesibukan.
Aku akan menunggu...

Damn. Now, my malay vocabularies is limited. -_-

2007-07-06T00:30:00.000+08:00

DING DONG.
Aku sangat penat sekali this few days.
Maybe due to the time constraint i'm facing...

Monday school will be from 8am to 8.30pm.
Tuesday, working or either giving tuition.
Wednesday, Hockey training until 9++pm.
Thursday, giving tuition.
Friday, school ends at 5pm.
Saturday, working.
Sunday, giving tuition from 8am to 10pm. Later, meet sweetheart.

See how pack can my time table be. Even machines needs rest. No wonder I am so sleepy and gets easily tired nowadays. I seriously don't know how to re-schedule my whole time table. Time doesn't allow me to do so.

Okeh, so just now, met sweetheart after school since Analytical Chemistry lecture was cancelled. Bumped city hall to send my spoilt digital camera to olympus. Thanks to the extended warranty, Desmond better be really happy that he doesn't have to pay a single cent. I was told that it was due to the lens faulty and it took two weeks to get it fixed. DARN. Then, took 80, headed to harbourfront and had dinner there. As usual, I am already tired, suggested that we just chilled out at my crib. So, took 30, and went straight to jurong. We were just surfing the net and browsing friendster. & mama ita later fetch sweetheart from my place. Boring, it seems, but, I envy the quality time we spent together. That's what really matters. Not the high-class dinner or shopping spree and wasting money aja. Maybe, once in a while is appropriate. teehee.

GOODNIGHT.

2007-07-03T13:42:00.000+08:00

HELLO.
I really flung my last paper.
Well, did not studied a single shit and understands any feaces about the calculations.
So, I already expect the worse for that fcuking Bioprocess Application Module.
BUT, for end of year exam, I promised to work extra hard to earn back the lost for that module.
Don't wish to repeat that module, man. That will be terribly sucks to the core lah.
Okeh okeh ring ring.
So last Sunday, catch up with sweetheart.
Went bowling and i got quite a number of strike alright.
Maybe, I should consider signing up for the sea games, bowling category & might just bring glory to the country hah. LMAO. Then, went dinner at pizza hut and catch transformers at marina.
Due to my tiredness since friday, working and teaching early in the morning,
on the later part of the movie, I slept -_-
After the movie, I am already dead tired and still have school the next day from 8am to 8.30pm.
So, went straight back home.
& sorry the inconsistent mood swings sweetheart.
PERIOD. So, you should understand and not behaving like kids when you're already 20.
Okeh boyfriend issues are sometimes SCUKS.
kaybye.

2007-06-29T00:45:00.000+08:00

@#@!$!#!@#!@#
Aku nak type dalam bahasa melayu lah for this.
Hati aku sakit gila bercampur geram yang tak terhingga.
Geram sampaikan kasut kau kalau aku gigit, confirm koyak rabak.
Ada boyfriend pon kadang-kadang menyakitkan hati.
Bukan nak buat aku happy ke apa tauu!
Aku da lah stress dgn exams.
Belajar mcm tongkang pecah.
Sengkang mata sampai selit dgn toothpicks mcm Mr. Bean dia tak tahu tau.
Aku ingatkn si dia nie boleh lah call aku sekejap at least untuk kasi otak aku yang dah setengah beku ni refresh sikit.
Ni tidak.
Dia boleh cakap lagi dia dah ngantok.
Madang hentam asyik ngantuk ajaaaaa. Aku pon bosan siak. Aku dengar suara dia dalam satu minggu, kurang2 dalam satu jam siak.
Baik aku matair si nerd pat class aku tuh.
Walaupon dia pakai cermin mata mcm Mr. Kiasu dan ada tahi lalat seimbas mcm Mr. Phua Chu Kang, at least dia boleh spend time dgn aku seh.
Kalau tak keluar pon, dia mesti akan call aku punyer.
bukan mcm si dia nie.
Semalam aku tgu punyer tgu dia call, dia bagi alasan,
" Tengah pasang sarung tilam", Macam mana aku tak geram? @#!$#!@$@#$!@#$
Bukan sekali. Bukan dua kali. Bukan tiga kali tau dia buih aku.
Tapi dah.. ntah uh.
Aku pon dah lost count. Too many too count uh.
Bila aku keluar dgn kawan pulak, dia blame aku.
Asyik prioritize kawan, tak endahkan dia.
Siap la kau D________O. Aku tahu macam mana nak ajar kau.
Kasi kau sampai menangis keluar tahi dari hidung dan mata -_-
kay aku tak senonoh.

Dan aku tak belajar terus for exam aku besok. #$%#@$#@4
Dah buang tebiat heh aku.
Tapi seriously otak dah tak boleh masuk.
no matter how hard aku try, the info doesn't get in my brain.
tsk. tak tahu lah.
Aku nak matair dgn apek yng berCPF dan boleh beri aku tumpuan 24/7 pls -_-

2007-06-26T16:42:00.000+08:00

My brain is going to burst soon.
I really despise exam period.
The moment that I really have to sacrifice my sleep and slacking time.
The moment I have to force myself to memorise things that i've never understand.
That's where the stress period says hello to me. hmph.
& yesterday engineering maths paper was totally sucks.
I don't know what the hell am i thinking uh.
UMAIRAH WAKE UP.
Like so suddenly,
this brain of mine was hitted by mind block. I cannot even vomit out or recall all the stuff that I had studied. Maybe, I was too mentally tired and worned out. Sigh.
It is just not a day for me. Especially when I saw that babi the bitch after 2 weeks of holidays. If killing is not a sin and it is not against the law, she will be the first one I will murder. -_- Goodbye.

2007-06-24T23:51:00.000+08:00

Birthday wasn't that bad afterall.
Though mum forgots about 20 June,
she stills bought two extra large pizzas from canadian pizza the next day.
On the birthday itself, i thought of going to orchard and buy present for myself.
That is, indugle in shopping [:
But, luckily shaf tagged along.
& she was like going tsk tsk on me on spending money like pouring water.haha.
Ai'in will do that too if she's with me. LOL.
if not, it will be the most pathetic birthday ever.
but, unfortunately, the thought of spending time with sweetheart on 20 June itself is just a dream for me.
He's at work and was undergoing some millitary training.
So, it's not his fault either.
At least he sang for me over the phone smack on 12am. heeeeeeee.
Oh and thanks all for the messages!
be it on freindster, tagboard or via sms.
I appreaciate it ALL.
Then, on 22nd June, finally get to meet up with sweetheart.
head to plaza singapura & was surprised with a ring as a belated b'day gift.
& it has his name carve on my ring.
He actually ordered two of them.
He's with my name written on it.
& besides each name, there is a small diamond on it.
When both rings joined together, it actually forms a small heart shape
& the line " Mai love Pian".
Thanks sweetheart for the gift [:
That night was magical.
It feels good when his arms wrapped me.
I can hear his heartbeat and his breath was close to my ears.
Everything was perfect.
Then, the next day,
went to east coast with sweetheart's family with some of his cousin.
Iffah was there. So, I am super hyper lah on that day. haha.
then, had nasi ayam penyet at changi village for dinner.
& $#%$#@%#$. MY DIGICAM IS SPOILT.
Thanks to desmond for making it fall from approximately 50cm and hit the floor.
& babi the bitch for borrowing the camera for one whole day and just to let me discover it's spoil the next day.
Now I cannot even take any pictures or transfer pictures into PC.
THERE GOES MY $499 OLYMPUS 7.1 megapixels camera.
#%#@!$#@$@#$#
Thankfully, dad extended it's warranty summing up to a total of 3 years.
& I must pray hard for my parents not to find out about the spoilt camera.
If they do, I am going to be dead meat.
I AM SO ANGRY AND I FEEL LIKE SMASHING THEIR HEADS WITH A CHAIR PLS.
%$#%!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-06-20T01:03:00.000+08:00

12 am.
18 candles i blew.
The thought of celebrating it makes me sick.
the best birthday gift that my Alfian can give me is to spend the entire noon with me. be there for me and cuddle me like he used to back faraway.
middle finger to the expensive gifts or splendid candlelight dinner.
I don't need all that to put a grin on my face. Maybe i'd looked delighted. But, they sure are fake.
I longed for the cuddles and affection that you used to give me. Now, I've blown goodbye kisses to them.
Even on the early morning of my suppose to be head over heels day,
you put up a nonsencical issue for us to argue over it. ridiculous.
Even to the extrim of telling me that you'd still be able to breath even without my existence and you can't put up to all the downs anymore.
In other words, are you telling me to SCRAM?
In an instance, my head spins and my ears feels like exploding. My platelets feels like bursting and my knees feel weak, rooted to the ground.
Are you pretending all this long?
Are you making me your talking puppet with a string attached to it?
I feel so weak. For once, I feel that I am the weakest emotional moron that Allah has created.
Alfian, you got 24 hours to make up your mind.
Stay with it or end it and says fuck you to the one year and a month we've wasted together.
This is the best birthday for me I guess.

Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to Nur Umairah,
Happy birthday to me...

Ya Allah,
The Alimighty,
Make me strong.
Don't let the destroyer satans take over me.
I am human. I am weak.
Amin...

Thanks for the wishes all who wishes. Allah bless all of you. Amin.

2007-06-15T13:42:00.000+08:00

Smack That Off.
I will leave the unpleasent episodes behind.
I am sure all this happend for a reason.
There's no use to get all so saddened upon it.
For sure, I must believe there's a positive factor out of all the negative ones.
For now, I will just hold on to the saying, absence makes the heart grows fonder.
& i will just wait for the other saying,but presence strengthens it to happen.
The moment will come. I know. I have faith that it will come. One day.
It is already 1 year and 1 month we've been together.
I won't let the slightest or sillest thing ever to ruin everything. We have come this far. It's a waste if i ever raise a white flag and gave everything up. I love you sweetheart.
& yuhhhhh, congratulations on your promotion.
I am happy for you. [:
Mama's boy make me proud. teehee.
goodbye.

2007-06-12T18:00:00.000+08:00

The transition on time is making me bleeding inside.
The gloomy dark sky seems darker. Ain't no sunshine.
Even the rose that you gave me, had pricked my fingers with it's thorns.
the bed of garden seems so beautiful in the beginning. even hummingbird were blinded by it's beauty.
but deep inside, do the children running aroung enjoying it's scenery knows, it's dying of hunger.
it's dying of thirst for attention. it's wilting.
maybe i'm wrong. maybe i'm right.
or maybe, things will never be like what we want.
a scented rose will never be a scented one forever.
the blue sky will never stay blue forever.
& the gloomy night will never be dark forever.
maybe.
I am wrong.
Let the time blowing goodnight kisses decides.
set me free from all this. forever.

2007-06-11T01:00:00.000+08:00

It's a downfall of a pretty horizon.
Now, I can only see gloomy dark sky covering the edge of my empty soul.
The rainbow which I used to draw on air with my fingers, are slowly vanishing in the thin air. Tears dried up in the lonely night. My heart says there's a barrier in between us.
I asked myself.
Why must there always be a boon after a bane in my life.
Maybe you didn't realise this. But my feeling for you started to get all mixed up. Hearing your voice to eliminate this loneliness is a far cry.
I don't blame you. So, please, don't blame me if we're getting further and further apart. I am confused.

2007-06-03T00:56:00.000+08:00

The plan to eastcoast beach with sweetheart quite pays off, subtracting the minor arguments playing around the time.
I placed my feet under the sand and let the calm sea washes it away.
The momentum of the swaying trees feels like they were whispering soft melodies to me.For a while, I felt so free. Free from all problems. Just like a bird in the sky.

And this other tragedy that happens today shall remain in my mind. When I saw the handicapped toilet was vacant, I quickly went in to do my hair and washed my face. While I was washing my face, I heard a constant hard breathing. It sounded just like someone grasping for air. I ignored though I was a bit terrified. When I started to washed away the foam off my face, the breathing became louder. Just then I realised that my knees were like jelly and beads of perspiration started to form on my forehead before it trickled down. I quickly unlock the door and went off to sweetheart. Scary.

We rented the two-seaters bicycle. It's really hard to paddle with him since he's always playing around by pressing a sudden break or controlling the handle from left to right and vice versa. Sweetheart really made me angry and still continued to do those nonsence. I swear I was so damn irritated with him just now. The four hours of constant paddling and on and off bumping have causes my bottom to go sore. It's really painful especially when the bones socket near my bottom presses on my bottom. With the weight, it adds on pressure to it.
SAKIT GILAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
As a revenge, I took a picture of him when he's sleeping on the lap.

Giant sandcastle

Thanks Allah for this scenery

Clippers anyone? i need to clip his lips close. lol.

2007-06-01T22:36:00.000+08:00

My brain is as sick as the dead fishes in the sea, polluted by chemical x.
It feels like thick greenish liquid slowly oozing out from the brain cells.
My head feels as heavy as a four litre water bag.
The stress level i'm facing nowadays is getting from bad to worse.
In addition to the communication breakdown i'm facing with my parents recently, just made my tummy turned cartwheels most of the time.
& the more than enough project works, assignments and tests coming up.. Oh, they are just making me more miserable.

Thank God for meeting me with Alfian. He's really there for this whole week when i really need someone to lean and cry on the shoulder. He's there to give a hug and comfort me. I feel so secured and assured that everything will turns up well soon when my body wraps around his strong arms. Though i'm really down, he did whatever he could to paint a smile on my face. From the Singapore Arts Festival to the escape theme park to the movies marathon- pirates of carribean and shrek to the baby sitting and to the pigging out. Day after day. Thank you very much sweetheart. I appreciate it loads sweetheart. Contented, I am.

Ouhhhh. I just want to grow up fast with a good career. So that I can get married and have my own family. Where I am free from doing projects with irresponsible idiots and memorising stupid semi batch reactors characteristics. The giggle from my baby will sounds like a lullaby to me; the cure for my exhaustion. And I will have my own home so that I don't have to argue with my parents over slightest things anymore. Sigh.

Oh && I AM OFFICIALLY BROKE NOW PLS.

2007-05-26T19:31:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday, 20 May 2007,
was abang zul's, my cousin wedding reception.
Held at potong pasir community centre.
Thank God the place is air-conditioned.
or else i will be sweating like a pig uh.
Alhamdullilah everything goes on well.
Oh, and abang zul sang for his to-be wife a song.
I didn't really hear it. HAHA.
But that is so sweet pls.
Tell me how many guys got the balls to sing for his bride a romantic song in front of hundreds people eh. haaaaaaaaa!
And they made a video for the view of the guests.
A video on how they met and how the propose went on and a music video featuring their now and then photos. HAHA.
nice visual effects by professionals i must say. *claps*
The food was alright.
But there's no fish fillet or prawns seh.
And the ayam masak merah is replaced with deep fried chicken. ]:
& nazirah was not there.
Plus Arinah left earlier to meet boyfriend.
And Atiqah's too busy taking pictures.
AND I AM SO DEAD BORED ALONE.
Then, at 7pm, was dinner at raffles country club.
but, i didn't attend the dinner reception as the next day will be a Monday.
Which comes to mean that i must woke up at 5.30am! -_-
Mum says it's not worth the money that my uncle had payed them la.
$79 per head sia. tsk tsk.
okeh, i think i am done with updating. haha.
bye pantats. :]

arinah.mai.atiqah.

berselera sungguh mereka.

chikong enak sungguh kata adik saya.

cousins.tiqah.ipul.

cupcakes anyone?

the couple.

He's sweating seh.

arrival of the bride,Ariyante.

Pak ke pak ke bing ke bing.

Hanging the sign.

i forget those sisters name. LOL.

POSE for the camera.

Dina equals cuteness.

So that's the bapak pengantin.

& that bapak pengantin wrote the sign himself. LOL.

That's only part of my aunties include mum in red, far left.

2007-05-26T19:11:00.000+08:00

Finally, I forced myself to update.
I find blogging is not a fetish anymore.
I shall just update on which ever event that's still fresh in my mind.

So, last week,
went luch at MacKENZIE rex restaurant with sweetheart.
the food there cost a bit more but it's really worth paying fot it.
they also sells seafood. really finger-licking.
then, went to watch blades of glory.
i give that 4.5 out of 5.
i really love it! it's hillarious [:
oh but i wonder why is grabbing of boobs is considered a PG rated movie. haaaaaaaaaaaa!
then it was the gelare-ing at marina.
had large waffle top up with choc and chunky choc with watsoever nuts.
I LOVE GELARE PLS.
and the night ends as sweetly as i dreamt. hee.

2007-05-14T11:50:00.000+08:00

eh asal la this blogger site haven't yet get fixed?
or is it my computer which has been near to condemn already. haaaa.
today i penat sial macam going to die seh.
school starts at 8am to 8.30pm today.
on the way back, that salma shouted " eh tikus!" and grab tight of my hand when she saw one big fat one.
& in that instant, i jumped and leaped, saying, " eh tikus. aku takut tikus. eh tikus". then i can hear people behind me burst to laughter.
I swear i felt naked man. damnnnnn. I WAS OVER THEN MALU PLS.
melata like some makneneks. tsk tsk.

okeh, went to mount faber, labrador's park, then hit vivo and dinner was at tanjong pagar railway station with sweetheart's family and uncle.
took a car there so it was not so leceh la. haa [:
enjoyed every moment with them.
except for some minor arguments with sweetheart yesterday.
i really don't know why nowadays i get easily irritated and angry easily.
then, i just can't be bothered anymore and prefers to just keep quiet and mind my own business.
it's just as good as not giving any damn shit about the arguments may it be minor or major. pfffft. idk.
my head just needs a break before it crashes.
goodbye.

some pictures in random:

adik. sweetheart.

candid!

SMILE [:

threesome-s.

"awak ada tanduk lah pian". heeee.

bro-s.

us

tengok apa tuhhh.

2007-05-12T23:16:00.000+08:00

eh aku penat la.
kerja like banglah putip rubbish you know.
two beanies never turn up to work and counted as no show.
i shall not dispose their name here since some of you know her.
wait she malu & dig her head inside the shithole.
who die? i die okey.
balik balik aku jugak yang must filled up their shift.
macam cb la.
the managers better count me as o.t eh.
& they better fcuking pay me the exact numerics.
eh & kaki aku are so motherfcuking cramp due to yesterday training.
dah lama tak bongkok main hockey mahh.
& sweetheart text really give me quite a shock just now.
less than two months from taiwan, he's now going to thailand
for some i dont know apa dia nyer nama stupid course.
at least not that bad laa.
two and plus plus weeks only.
BUT STILL!
okeh, i am so tired.
mentally, physically.
need to go now. study for upcoming maths test. knn.
kay goodnight chiwawas.

much love,
umairah.

2007-05-12T01:27:00.000+08:00

#$%$$#%^#@
I am feeling really tired right now.
hockey training was fun though.
right after school, went down to takashimaya with salma to collect our cheques.
then, hit back school for training with the guys.
i wonder when will the girls training ever resume. nvm.

All of you can call me BUSYWOMAN now. -_-
monday school ends at 8.30pm for me.
tuesday, i have to work until late noon and sometimes eats up on my evenings.
wednesday school ends at 3pm & has to complete the pending lab reports.
thurday, school ends at 4pm. And after school, has to rush down to my N-Level student's place for her tuition.
friday, school ends at 5pm followed by hockey training until 9pm.
saturday had to work long hours at that cafe.
sunday is the only day i can meet sweetheart.
& it is like only 6 hours i get to see his face?
a week only for 6 hours.
tell me how pathetic can that be heh.

so, last sunday,
just spent as many hours as posibble with him.
catch spiderman 3.
though it's a 2 hour 40 mins movie,
i felt like it was an only 1 hour 30 mins movie la. haha.
but overall, the movie is okeh. 4 out of 5.
then, went down to esplanade at night.
bought ice creams, & we just sat down near the calm sea and talk.
about the future mostly. haaa.
i am tired already.
goodnight everyone.

2007-04-30T11:41:00.000+08:00

THIS IS LIKE FINALLY.
FINALLY i've updated.
or this blog might just waiting for mould to grow as it's collecting dust.
Life has been quite okeh for now.

15 April 2007
Eversince sweetheart return from taiwan,
he sort of change a bit.
not in the terms of anger management.
But, the forgive and forget part has improved a bit.
& he bought me a three pairs of footwares, a shirt which appears too big for me actually and a surfer's brand bag.
Thank you very much sweetheart.
but the most important thing is that you're back here safe.
Spent the one whole week meeting him.
& we spent really quality time together.
went school carnival, window shop together, movie marathon together, seafood pigging out, swimming and jogging & many more.
paying up for all the lost time.
i love you sweetheart.

19 April 2007
right after school,
went to meet sweetheart.
celebrating his birthday together on that day.
so i dragged him to far east since i remembered he really this pair of pointed leather shoes, costing a $100.
then, we hit swensens and had dinner there.
when night enters,
we just sat outside esplanade to kill time.
i actually surprised him with a slice of tiramisu cake that i quicly bought for him at anderson's ice cream while he's in the gents.
forced the earpiece into his ears and i played the song that i took three hours to search for.
he blew the candles off and then everything is heaven. [:

kayso,
yesterday, went out with sweetheart's side family members.
including baby iffah darling. [:
sweetheart's mum bought me a new white levi's watch.
it's the latest design from levi's.
& she says that is my birthday gift in advance. haha. thanks mama.
& sweetheart bought me a silver Ipod NANO.
& he claims that is for our one year anniversery gift. sweetness. [:
thank you very much sweetheart. ily.
passed iffah her belated birthday gift & she was practically hitting the fishes which moves in circles with the fishing rod instead of catching it. haha.
then, went to loyang cause one of them had foot message.
&amp;amp;amp; later dinner at banquet. i had chicken rice. yum.
then arcade. & home sweet home.

randomly:

lol. badan sek habis.

baby iffah haus laa.

see my new specs & abg gave me new spongebob bag. hehe.

us

hotness in my eyes.

mama had henna in the school carnival.

bus 179.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart.

Happy Birthday baby iffah [:

bugis.

taman ros restaurant.

mata iffah mata. HAHA.

CUTE

much love,
umairah

2007-04-12T19:47:00.000+08:00

New layout alright.
Spent hours doing it until my hairs drop. Okeh bedek habis.
I am still waiting for Rayson to call.
Hopefully will only start the new job on the 26 April.
I still have yet to spent more time with sweetheart.
making up for the lost time we had. grrrrrrrrrr.
School is opening real soon & i still have not buy my school books.
I am so not looking forward to the re-opening of school.
That dumb moronic cafe still has not given me my pay.
& McDonalds cheated on my pay by giving me only $1.92.
Macam knn cb sial.
%$@#$%#$^#$@%
Ah okey, i don't want to bother dulu.
Now, i am only waiting for sweetheart to be back on this sunday.
I swear I am counting every seconds in the world.
I can't sleep really.
Ey okey. Have to get changed and meet ayu later to jog.
I AM LATE!

2007-04-10T15:13:00.000+08:00

Oh
Recently, I find it a burden to constantly update my blog like I used to.
So many things had happened in such a short time.
The three days Expresso training was really an experience for me.
The art of coffee making is vast.
A talented barista can never be created in just a month.
it takes donkey years to be one.
i learnt how to make a beautiful latte, cappucino and flat white.
the beauty of the coffee depends on the steam/frosted milk with no bubbles. hee.
making flat white is quite a struggle for me.
i am so looking forward in starting this new job of mine. haaaa.
& now, i get so easily irritated by anything and everything.
out of the blue moon, i will feel like biting someone ears and started to pull my hairs.
i really don't know why. $^%^%#^$#
& i find him very very fcuking irritating.
it is like, he's following everywhere i go and talking abnormally to me.
& he will constantly asking me, " mai are you okeh? you need some rest. you look so tired you should sit. mai why you look so angry. "
& he will give me messages saying minor stuff.
I AM SOOOOOOOO STRESS UP WITH HIM!
I just need some space in between please.
I need some air to breath.
GIVE ME A BREAK PLEASE.

Just an unforgetable experience that i will never forget.
I really freaking don't know that the two girls in the course were actually a lesbian couple.
one of them were freaking nice to me.
there was one incident when she offered to wash my jug, threw the bubbles from my froth, insisting of me following her to the pool and hold the umbrella for me.
no doubt, i didn't have any thoughts of her as a lesbian.
not until when am told me she's actually a lesbian.
& this girl actually ask if i'm straight or also a lesbian.
& if i have any feelings for any girl before.
& she says my face doesn't look like i'm totally straight.
like wth. i was so freak out man.
am told me she LOVE malay girls.
Let me get this clear,
I AM STRAIGHT PLS. THANK YOU.
There is so many weird people in this world.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
&& sweetheart is coming back this sunday!
I can't wait like &*$%^#$^.
I am soooo excited macam beruk please.
I miss him terribly.
HAHA. okeh that's so random.
okehbye.

I am straight [:

much love,
umairah.

2007-04-03T14:04:00.000+08:00

My head is reaaallllyyy heavy now.
I feel like i'm floating in the air right now.
for the first time, my knees felt so weak.
i'm struggling on every single energy i have to move those limbs.
this high fever is getting terrible.
my body feels like a baking oven inside until i vomited out red blood.
i never felt so weak in my entire life.
i guess, i have been too tired juggling three jobs at a time.
leaving me to no rests at all for the whole entire holiday.
i just want to enjoy myself with dear sweetheart.
it's ages since i saw him.
please come back soon sweetheart.
i am missing you badly here.
kaybye.

2007-03-29T11:54:00.000+08:00

Good Morning telletubbies [:
I am still a bit shag now.
the working environment yesterday was getting a bit better.
closing was a rush though i work extra fast on cleaning and locking the tables and chairs.
the cafe boss gave me five chocolate cinnabuns and a raspberry doghnut to bring home. haha.
& yesterday, when i was in the train going to work,
this particular minah with boyfriend, both with large shades came in from lakeside station.
And that mat was like so bangga gitu walking in with some curvy sexy mommachica. *puke*
it's not their shades that i am shoked with, but what the minah was wearing in particular really gave me a big fright.
she covered her lips with some pure thick and i really mean thick rosy pink glossy lipstick, has a centre parting... & &&
Her boobs! OMG. I swear i can see her whole tetek popping out siaaa! like wtf?
She's wearing a damn low cut white shirt without any bra alright.
& the tetek is sagging like some neneks one. -_-
But then, she covered her nipple with nipple studs which looks like some pepsi bottle cap. LOL. Macam sial seh. HAHAHAHAHA.
the studs were popping out gitu.LMAO.
i think, the minah has large nipples like bubble tea pearls gitu seh since she needs such a big shield for those nipples. LOL.
or maybe, she's to poor to even buy a bra to at least give her boobs some coverage.
it's better to go topless than you wear only some cloth which doesn't gives any purpose. stupid bitch. haha.
It's not a nice sight but it's such a disgusting view for me.
except for guys for sure. haa.

And i even drew the scene out:

much love,
umairah

2007-03-28T11:56:00.000+08:00

Woke up at 10am today.
It is consider way early than i usually woke up.
i guess i really pay back all the sleepless night i had heh. HAHA.
i was quite mad with mum just now.
when i just finish bathing,
she told me, " nanti cik b nak datang ambik computer tu tau".
It's not taking away the computer that i am pissed off with.
But the last minute information.
i really don't care if he's going to take it away.
the computer is freaking lag and it has been there since centuries collecting dust anyway.
Baik kasi orang dari buang. haha.
Mum should tell me yesterday that she's going to give it away today.
at least i can delete files and pictures in the computer.
tapi computer tu mcm toot lah.
mouse pon don't have seh.
so, i was basically struggling to delete the files using keyboard.
Malu you know if anyone views your pictures with different poses. LMAO.
& those freaky pictures is when i'm in secondary two.
baru nak naik punyer umur. HAHA.
selamat takda gambar naked siak. LOL.
But i don't take those kind of pics la. [:
& today working from 4pm until closing. wtf. knncb seh. toot toot toot.
i am so not looking forward to go to work.
when you got a job, you just feel like rotting at home.
but when you are rotting at home, you will just feel that you have a job right now & earn some cash.
HAIZ.
okehbye.

sincerely,
umairah

2007-03-28T00:04:00.000+08:00

gosh.
its been a donkey years since i updated.
been busy with exams.
then, the feeling of blogging after school close has slowly gone down the drain.
&&& yess! finally i've did my very own layout using photoshop.
thank you very much redzwan for the cd. heeehawww [:
spent hours reading and following the HTML and photoshop tutorials. HAHA.
i am a beginner alright.
Actually i got tons to update but i will just start afresh since i've lost track of the time.hee.
& Alhamdullilah, i passed all my modules
and going to be in the second year soon.
that's so gerekness. woooo.

Right now,
i am working in this stupid cafe.
i swear i am quite unhappy and stressed out working there.
planning to quit but if i am jobless,
how am i going to induldge myself in the shopping spree again?
so, i HAVE to work. damn it.

so right now,
nothing much in life except for work.
thanks to alif,
at least i got to join him for jamming sessions.
just waiting for this saturday.
going to the ultimate metal dosage at gas haus with along and faiz.
but i am not looking forward to it actually.
haha nevermind.
will just kill my time. -_-

i miss my girls.
i miss my all time favourite camwhoring queen, salma.
i miss eating old chang kee.
i am deprived of so many things. gasp.
& mostly, i miss my sweetheart.
it's already 9 days he's in taiwan.
another three more weeks to go.
his flight will be reaching Singapore at 4.30am.
will be fetching him with his parents
& i really can't wait to hug him back in my arms and kiss gently on his forehead. *grins*

kayso, just some pictures taken before he flew off:

much love,
umairah

ps. ayn and farah, beep me okeh.

2007-02-14T23:44:00.000+08:00

Love is in the air for many.
Happy Valentine's Day people. smooch.
Life has been a super duper hassle for me.
too many things are happening on the same time.
i am just too confused that sometimes,
i just can't be bothered by it anymore.

Mother.
A strong word with a strong emotional meaning.
I agreed at first.
But when i look at this human who i called emak,
my heart just poundered twice.
she's the person who gave birth to me.
she's the person who breastfeed me.
she's the person who hold my tiny hands when i don't know how to walk.
she's the person who took care of me when i am sick.
she's the person who cleared and washed away my faeces when i was a baby.
she's the person who cuddles me tight when i was a baby.
the list will just goes on and on.
there's too many things that this angel did for me.
even if i gave all my 50 years pay to her,
it can never sums up to repay her deeds.
without her, i won't be here & see the world.
i will do anything for her happiness.
thus, mum, you know the decision i've made.
i love you.
only a human know what is happening.
& i want to thank that human.
thank you...

alhamdullilah.
i can kiss goodbye to that fcuking place.
just a day working in brunomagli makes me feel how horrible ssc-mcd can be.
in fact, i can earn double!
just that, i can't recall how many times did i yawned when i stood there rotting waiting for customers.
tell me who will spend $300 to $900 for a pair of hand-made italy shoes
& who will spent $1080 for a calf-skin hand made bag from italy?
RIDICULOUS.
i just hope that i can get the permanent part-time place there.
pls pls pls i want it badly...

so its 14 Feb today.
Happy Valentine's Day people.
actually, muslims can't even celebrate it.
it is meant for the yahudis. Jews in specific.
but spending time with your loved ones won't go against it.
but i spend time with my beloved engineering mathematics book today instead.
sweetheart's inside his camp for duty.
i am use to that already so it's okeh [:
bought for sweetheart a dry-fit nike top which cost me over 50bucks & a i love you box with 20 heart candies inside smittened with special written scraps.
he gave me this pretty bag from CHECK, cost him 70bucks.
i choose so i know the price. haha.
& he bought me this gorgeous necklace with my name engraved on it; with "1920" behind it. represents something. haha.

much love,
umairah

2007-02-06T21:33:00.000+08:00

No lectures or tutorials yesterday & today.
which means, i dont have to come to school for both days.
you think it's fun?
HOLYCRAP.
i swear i was stuck up at home & was sitting for more than 10 hours, rotting!
Until i can feel my butt grew to ten times from it's original size! wtf.
at least yesterday get to kill some time with salma when we went to bugis street.
oh & i bought this lovely skirt.
for the first time, i didn't get any discount, or at least a pathetic one dollar off when i shopped at bugis street. lame.
while today, i was spending time in front of my organic chemistry notes.
trying hard to absorb & practice on the tutorials.
i really hate it when it's exam period. bummmmmmerrr.

eh okeh.
enough of all the sighs and fuss.
my friend shared this with me.
thought of sharing. haha.

not for the view of under 17 pls.

2007-02-03T01:06:00.000+08:00

This blog has been left abandoned for quite some time.
Busy and laziness adds on to the reason.
I barely get at least a four hours sleep nowadays.
& this shall carry on until the end of year exam ends. real pathetic. gasp.
there's lots to update actually.
but, some short brief summary will do.

First & For most,
Replies to taggies...

ayn: yarh, noones perfect. & yes, i will be lying if i'd say i never lied. & heeee. thanks for everything darling. [:

fara: You take care too.. I just hope you are okeh & Allah will always protect you always. Just give me a call and you know i will be there for you straight away. take care my dear darling. ayn & me miss you much.

heedayu: aku pon nak tido siak. tak cukop tido nie. && yes, here's your silly entertainment. kau pikir aku alias kadir peh? ahahaha. siow!

Shaf: tu uh. aku khabar baik ajaaa. mcm gini aja larh. super stresss. eh, when hols, aku nak cheesecake! AKU NAK CHEESECAKE! ROARR!

hantu gigi: wahai hantu gigi. Kaulah buah hatiku. Bau dari mulut kamu yng busuk seperti bangkai kucing digelek lori sampah lah tuh! [:

kay so,
the NYP open house is okey lah.
the only thing i can say is, NYP goody bag is sungguh stingy.
consist of a brochures, $5 MPH voucher with a min. of $25 spent & a pen with light on top of it. -_-
the only thing which is bloody interesting in the open house is this:

These pictures are not for the view of the faint hearted.

Next, i am so proud to announce that one of my classmate gains fame by becoming the coverpage & the frontline of newpaper pls.
From that day onwards, she walks around with shades covering her eyes & straw hat covering her head to avoid fans from recognising her. HAHA.
Cool kak pop! [:

bagus, warriors. HAHAHAHAHA. wtf.

& last thursday was crap.
i had a whole solid 5 hours of break.
so, me, salma, dan, shahfiq and suren went to bugis.
we has so much fun and was laughing all the way.
talking about wild topics and gayish one.
dan bought this balck jeans while suren bought this blue spade jeans.
i was laughing my ass off when suren's put on the black one.
he's leg was so skinny and slender man.

stop it siaaa suren! AHAHAHAHAHA.

& on wednesday, was dinner with sweetheart at vivo.
& soccer match at my crib since the tickets were sold out.
then, sweetheart went back to camp.

okeyyy! yey! i've updated my blog!

much love,
umairah

2007-01-24T22:14:00.000+08:00

F R I E N D

Defination of 'friend ' :

a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter
a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile.

When you said, "Now i know what kind of true friend you are".

You must be kidding me bitch. In the first place, i don't even think that you know the meaning of a true friend. You don't even fit to be categoried as a comrade in need. A true friend will never finds it funny when her own friend gets humiliated & she too adds on to the luaghter.I never and will never regard you as my samaritan. Being my true friend is such a far cry.

Excuse me, I don't need someone like you to ruin my entire beauty of life. i won't let thorns paint black all over my rainbow painting. i am so happy that you saw what i did and i hope this will finally makes you realise your mistake and your fucking attitude will just make more people hates you and start to write notes of hatred on you.

May Allah opens your heart to hear people's advice. Defending yourself and ending up finding faults & not be able to support them is just a waste of time. i won't want to waste my time on this kind of humanoids. sometimes, i just think if you ever had a best friend before. cause, it seems like everyone who finally knows your true colours, simple just hates you. people are just pretending to befriend you. but when they know your real reflection which is hiding behind those soyabean-liked face, they will just smacks head, sigh, shows middle finger, and walks away.

i love my friends.

i've come across to many kind of friends.

i can still remember vividly, how close i am to my 10 years superclose friend & how i lost her later.

i can still recall, how close i am to my 4 years super close friend & how i lost her later.

& now, one of my someone, i regard sibling is gone, leaving without any news. just the pictures we took accompanies me.

this just makes me ask,

do true friends ever exist?

i will like to take this oppurtunity to thank my dear friends whom been there for me. even not all the time, i still treasure it.

i love my friends...

2007-01-21T12:57:00.000+08:00

Life has been quite okeh.
fixing matters after matters here and there.
maybe yesterdays were the downs
but nowadays, were the ups.
people who tried to help,
thank you very much.
it's greatly and deeply appreciated.
plan to the zoo with sweetheart was backfired
due to the rain & time constraint.
so, just went to had dinner together
& later, catch a movie, "Gridiron Gang", featuring Dwayne Johnson
whom i find him SUPER HOT in that movie [[:
& his body makes me drools, pls. HAHA.
the story line will touch hearts of every insane humans.
it's about ex-convicts finding it tough to be losers,
& a soccer couch bringing up the new spirit in them,
to prove the society that they can change,
only when given the chance.

HOTTIE shakes my bootie. weee`

Last friday,
met ayn sayang after lecture,
accompanied her to find her mum's birthday gift.
had dinner, nd went to her crib
to catch a glimpse of akak shikin's new-born, Nur Asyirah.
& how lucky am i.
aunty josephine, wife to one of ayn's uncle came to.
the last time i saw her is during akak shikin's wedding,
when her tummy is still big.
now, she's delivered.
& her baby, Nur Regina, is so adorable. haha.
i believe,
the born of a baby can really makes one smile.
the born of a child is no other than a blessing from God.

Nur Asyirah

Nur Regina

i love babies [:

Mummy & Daughter.

Regina after wash up. dah wangii la dia..

&& a video of regina. see her smile to the camera. awww cute!

much love,
umairah

2007-01-16T23:10:00.000+08:00

vividly, our promise flash at the back of my mind.
the words we uttered that we should hold on to were just washed away.
our string is like a slow transition of an end.
it feels like the load attached to the string is more than half heavy.
fourteen days, our eyes hasn't met.
the sense of missing you burns in my soul, trying every way to escape but to no avail.
yet, we still fight.
i hold back my tears, lets time envelope everything,
and just go through this slow transition of mental killer.
if i ever got the chance,
my jaw will just drop seeing you stood rooted to the ground,
asking me to just close the door without even kissing goodbye.
i wish this is all just a dream.
i am just a fool when it comes to reality.
kill me. goodbye.

2007-01-15T20:35:00.000+08:00

I wish there's never today.
Those words which came from his mouth,
pierce through my chest,
across my heart
& plant a seed of pain all over me.
especially when he's suppose to be the closest to you
& would kiss you goodbye each night without consider it sinful.
how i just wish i am in a fairytale where everything is so sweet and ends with a happily ever after?
i am just deprived of his love.
i am too weak too even hold on to this.
all i could do was just to sit away from him for some time,
let those drops of tears roll down
& trying my best to put my heart into pieces back.
in the eyes of others,
they may think i am insane.
it's beyond my limits to cut the string between us.
because it will never be possible even if recarnation is true.
if the hero hasn't called to console
& make my heart skip a beat each time i hears him calling me,
i would have shed blood of life.
Dear Allah, my God,
is this one of the test you install for me in life?
it is like a river never ending,
a wheel which keeps spinning
& a girl who's lost in a dark forest of thorns, finding herself caught in the middle of nowhere.
nevermind.
i will just be the lady of mute in this house.
goodbye.

2007-01-12T21:45:00.000+08:00

Dear blogger,
i am in a constant shaged mode.
i barely got enough sleep after the semester break
& finding myself indulge in only a barely three hours of sleep each night.
tuesday nights were better when i get five hours of sleep.
i am feeling very dreadful.
this course is getting more and more demanding as time passes by.
i will say today is my offcially "malu seperti kambing biri biri day".
as usual, from campus to home,
i will take the train from yck station,
had to changed at jurong east station,
& later take train towards boon lay.
but, today was different.
i was too tired that i slept right after i reached woodlands station.
i slept soundly until i swear i don't bother about people looking at me.
i was just too tired to be bothered anyway. haha.
i was head banging as i slept.
macam kena sampuk siaa.
lucky enough i got those earpiece stuck in my ears.
maybe, people will be thinking that i am listening to some rock
and getting obcess all over it. LMAO.
then, suddenly,
when i opened my eyes,
with my super blur face,
i rubbed my eyes and gave my hand a scratch,
i told myself,
" eh, dimana aku berada sekarang? "
TERLAJAK.
in fact, i was alone, sleeping in the train at jurong east for a few minutes when the other passengers were transfering train!
it's only at bukit batok station when i realised this. SHIT.
I am super malu siaaaa. HAHAHAHA.
i will dig a hole and bury my head inside if i saw the ahpek in front of me just now.

okeh bye.
saya malu!!!!

umairah [: